Where there's a will

Kajirin · ‎02-05-2018

Hi all,

First time posting here, I have been lurking in the forums for weeks getting myself adjusted to this forum.

I have always suffered right from my early teens, from anxiety and going into depressive states - they cycle depending on what's going on at the time. I did seek help years ago, but sadly at the time then anxiety and depression weren't foremost on GP's minds. It was deemed my problems were social and 'I'd get over it'. So I still have issues seeking 'professional' help, even though I know things have changed.

Lately, my anxiety has been off the scale - I know it and am aware of it. I use magnesium supplements when I'm at my worst and that really helps calm my body and mind. Strangely I don't feel depression at the moment - they usually go hand in hand. I am the type to just bottle things and say I'm ok [which is silly I know, but it is hard for me to open up face to face with people].

Background circumstances are...

1. My Dad is slowly dying due to health complications, I am his primary carer [I share the load with Mum, but she works full time]. It is so hard to watch him slowly waste away bed ridden. He doesn't want to eat, can't force him. He basically eats to minimally sustain life, but he's skin and bone. He's prone to falling when he tries to walk, got him a rollator walker to help him, but still feel anxious when he uses it. His previous falls result in injury as he has paper thin skin. One fall left him having a seizure. He refuses all medical aid, sends ambulance people away refusing to go to hospital. So I have to tend to his wounds the best I can, in his diminished capacity he can't travel to a GP and there are no locums that service this area. I am here 24/7 for him and seldom venture off the property, seldom get decent sleep as he calls out during the night at times needing help.

2. Mum has been going through a rough trot with work. Workplace bullying for a few years, now she is going through PM on a lot of unwarranted accusations. She is suffering anxiety too and is copping things by the double between here and work. I try my best to help her - keep her spirits up, talk through her problems etc. She did seek help from a GP and a psychologist [but she felt she was just having her problems validated and not solved]. She's an amazing woman, but even she has her limits as we all do - just feels like a never ending nightmare. She is seeking Union help, so hopefully they can advise better than what I can.

Croix · ‎02-05-2018

Dear Kajirin~

Welcome here, I'd imagine by now you would know this is a friendly place where you can discuss problems with those that will understand.

I guess reading of your life there are really three people that need looking after. Your father of course, with his physical condition and desire not to receive medical support.

Your mother, who even with medical support is finding life hard - though in some ways she may have a little satisfaction by being a breadwinner, even if it is at a cost.

Both of them are very dependent on you, and you are bearing a tremendous load. Hopefully that give you the love and appreciation you need and deserve.

So what steps are you taking to look after you? From the practical - sharing those night time calls by you father, to medical support to time out?

I know you found the last time you went to the doctor to be unsatisfactory. I would think now you might be in a different position. You can try and if things are not as you would like then try elsewhere. It is not a matter of having to accept whatever is first. You really need to bring your anxiety down and a doctor is a start. Also of course is a lifestyle with as little stress as you can realistically manage, hopefully enough sleep more often than not and good nutrition, plus exercise.

All that is background. You also need distraction. Doing things on a regular basis that you enjoy and take your mind out of everyday life and all its problems. I use books and movies, plus going for a walk - are there things you enjoy? Having something every day too look forward to does make a difference.

I do hope you post again

Croix

stormcloudz · ‎02-05-2018

Hi Kajirin

I just wanted to express my admiration for the care you are providing to your father (and your mum). I know it's a heavy load being a carer....and also a demonstration of a profound trust.

I agree with Croix that is a good idea to support yourself with whatever options are available. I gather you are in a reasonably remote area which can make services a bit more restricted. There's a few practical things that might be worth following up such as Government support for carers, the Carers Australia group, support via MyAgedCare if your dad is over 65 and so on. Happy to expand if that's useful.

But mainly I wanted to say hello, and to say how happy I am that you have shared your story here, where it's safe and you are surrounded by others who have had similar experiences, even if not exactly the same. No need to bottle things up here! Please share your news and your feelings anytime. I would love to hear a bit about where you live (no need for identifying details).

Also - you have reminded me about the magnesium - thank you : )

Kajirin · ‎03-05-2018

Hi Croix

Thanks for the response =] I am similar to you, I love reading, watching movies [mainly online streaming] and walks - on a small farm so lots of space to walk with the dog [or the baby goat, whoever wants to come with me at the time]. I'm also forever learning new things, from lawn mower repair, tractor repair, fence installation - whatever needs doing on the farm I learn about it and do it [I've pretty much taken over all maintenance here now which I really enjoy]. I also learn different crafts, what ever tickles my fancy at the time - have been doing a lot of knitting and crochet.

I do keep my brain active as much as possible, but at times external factors overwhelm me and I basically feel like I want to shut down for a while. It is hard getting to a GP as I can't leave Dad for extended periods alone and the GP is only open during business hours. Also, we're down to one car at the moment [the other one is not being used due to waiting on an airbag recall] and no public transport here. So basically stuck here for now with no transport during the day - glad it's not high Summer/fire season.

I keep my chin up but sometimes my resilience bucket springs a leak.

Kajirin · ‎03-05-2018

Hi Stormcloudz,

Thanks for the reply =] Not in an overly remote area, only 15 minutes from 'suburbia', but classed as country which makes getting services here a little bit hard [like locums]. I did look into respite care via MyAgedCare, but Dad won't/can't go out of the house and doesn't like anyone bar family in the house [he can make things rather difficult]. But what ever makes him happy is all I can do for now.

It is nice just to have forums like this, as sometimes just getting your thoughts out there is enough to help - helping to unbottle things.

stormcloudz · ‎03-05-2018

Hi Kajirin

I would also enjoy all the farm maintenance (tractors! baby goats!) though you might find me a bit slow : )

That's tough if your dad doesn't like other people in the house, I was going to suggest some support carers through MyAgedCare. That's OK, as you say, whatever you can do.

I heard about that airbag recall! I assume it's the Takata thing, they did a story on it on the ABC's Checkout. What a shocker.

Please do keep posting, we'll do whatever we can to help you patch those leaks in your resilience bucket : ) And I would love to hear more about the farm.

By the way, if you can't get to the GP but are interested in online support, there are some reasonably inexpensive courses from This Way Up (set up by St Vincents Hospital), which I found via the BeyondBlue website. If you google, you'll find it. I have also found a lot of great free meditation and relaxation stuff on youtube. They can also be good for

Croix · ‎03-05-2018

Dear Kajirin~

You sound a most capable person, it's a great pity you are confined to the home at the moment. The only goat I ever tried to take for a walk had strong views on the route to be taken - a bit stronger than me unfortunately.

I find the best walks are at night with a strong torch, I get to see the nightlife which really helps and relaxes. Can give me a little perspective back at times.

I'm sure you have considered this already but can your mum stay home for half a day so you can get to the doctor? Plus - and here I might sound a little harsh - your dad has responsibilities, no matter what his condition. Maybe he should bend just a little about getting someone in once in a while - what do you think?

At one stage I was under the (false) impression I did not have all that long to live, it made me more concerned for my families welfare.

Croix