Weird guilt?

[Chicken_Wings]

Yesterday I had a pretty great day. Did gardening, went to the farmers market, went to Bunnings, went to the park. My boyfriend and I sat under a tree and he taught me some fancy math (he's good at fancy math). 

I had woken up with some anxiety and did some breathing exercises. But I can say that yesterday I honestly felt like a real human being.

Today I woke up and didn't feel anxious. I was laying there waiting for it to kick in, but it wasn't happening. I felt a weird sense of dread and started looking for the anxious thoughts. 

I felt this weird feeling that I think was guilt. Guilty that I didn't feel anxious.

So I got up and tried to get started with my day but just kept waiting for the anxiety to kick in. I just kept thinking about it. I wasn't feeling anxious, but I was thinking about it.

I thought about a psychologist appointment I have on Wednesday and felt bad that I might not appear to have much of a problem.

I've been getting on with my day, but I can't stop feeling a weird guilt and dread

[Bluey_moon]

Chicken wings, I'm so happy for you that you had such a great day the day before. 

The guilt thing has happened to me before, but usually I can make myself pretty anxious easily! 

Just try your hardest to enjoy the good days! Your Psycologist will be happy for you! You hon, are doing a great job 

xo

[Ellie05]

Hi Chicken Wings,

The dread you're feeling might be a fear of the anxiety coming back. This is how I feel when I'm not anxious - I start to worry about the next time the anxiety will flare up. Your system has been flooded with chemicals for so long that it makes sense that you're in a bit of a strange mood. 

I wouldn't worry about your psychologist appointment. In fact, it's probably a good time to see her/him as you'll be in a better place to take on their advice. It's important to keep caring for yourself, even in the good times, because this will make you better prepared next time you have an episode.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that the anxiety won't return.

[Chicken_Wings]

Thanks Ellie,

I've never felt this before when working on getting well. Usually I'm just so happy not to be anxious and so conscious of keeping busy that I don't give myself time to think about it.

It's actually ended up causing me slight anxiety today even whilst keeping busy. My brain has ended up searching for anxious thoughts.

Hopefully a day of work tomorrow will give me further progress.

[Chicken_Wings]

thanks Skye,

I am so grateful for yesterday, it reminded me that I can get there.
I'm eating more now, I think it's helping!

I hope you're seeing some improvement Skye.

[Bluey_moon]

Thank you CW, for your concern! I'm doing ok and aware it takes time! 

Thank you for your support. I'm very happy to have met several people on here! 

Xo

[Chicken_Wings]

Thats great Skye,

I felt guilty again last night. I didn't want to go to bed because I didn't want the day to end. 
I'm tired and I keep thinking about the things that worry me and planning the conversations I'm going to have with my psychologist on Wednesday.

I can't really tell how I feel today. It feels weird.

[Bluey_moon]

Hang in there Chick! 

Guilt is a funny emotion is it not? 

Just remember on Wednesday, just be yourself, be honest and trust in your psycologist! The rest will take care of itself! 

You are a beautiful person! Hold onto that! 

Xo