Unnecessary Anxiety triggered by thought of work

[BeHappy]

I’m in a relatively new job, been there 2 months. Work in a school so just had the last 2 weeks off for school holidays. The last 2 days before the holidays I had off due to legit sickness (stomach bug) then a reaction to my new anxiety meds (I assume) and a panicked late night phone call to a friend to come over because I thought I was dying (biggest panic attack I have ever had). I just now over the phone turned down an extra days work a week (that I had agreed to before the holidays) as I desperately feel the need to have a day to myself (single mum of a toddler, plus an exhausting & emotional few years - mum passed away, had to move house twice, completed a course qualification, and being a single mum with very very little support). Anyway, due to go back to work tomorrow and I just don’t want to! But I’m not even sure why. I know I haven’t done anything wrong by taking legit sick days, I know I haven’t done anything wrong my turning down an extra days work. Still, thinking about those things makes me panic.

And, I don’t even like the job… I’m looking at other employment opportunities. If I had to blurt out a reason, I feel it’s the people.. and again I can’t pinpoint why. There’s a few personalities that I just can’t take to, and am somewhat ‘fearful of’ for lack of a better term.

I do have a bit of stress trauma from being bullied in a previous position back in 2012.

I just hate feeling this way! Makes me

miserable, panicky, scared and really sad…. and I bet I won’t sleep well, if at all tonight. 
Thank you for taking the time to read this, any advice would be amazing 🙂

[Sophie_M]

Hi Behappy, 

Welcome to the forums and thank you for having the strength to reach out and share your story. It sounds like you are coming with a lot, we understand how exhausting it can be to feel anxiety symptoms. We’re sorry to hear you’re feeling this way, we hope we can provide some support and you know that you are never alone with these feelings.

Well done for opening up here. It’s really difficult to be open and articulate about how you’re feeling and what might be aggravating it. We're sorry to hear that you've had a stressful few years, sometimes being burnt out can exacerbate anxiety. We’re sure you'll hear from our community on your thread soon. In the meantime, here’s some resources you could take a look at: 

• When your inner critic is giving you a tough time 
• The Beyond Blue Heads Up page on working with a mental health condition  
• The Beyond Blue Heads Up resources on taking care of your mental health.  

If you want to talk this through with a Beyond Blue counsellor, please give the helpline a ring on 1300 22 4636 or use the webchat to speak to them, they can be really helpful during those times of panic.

Thanks again for sharing. Our community is really kind and understanding, we think they’ll have some really helpful advice and perspectives.  

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[Hi_]

Hi BeHappy, your post resonates with me as I too dread the thought of waking up and going to work although my situation is a bit different in a sense I'm dealing with a toxic manager in my current job. Having a fearful or toxic workplace is enough to not want to work so don't be hard on yourself for feeling this way! You just need to know you have done nothing wrong at all, if anything it's working with people that make you feel this way perhaps because they lack compassion. You're not alone, best bet is to look for other opportunities and never give up! I'm in the same boat, although it's not as easy as a job will fall into your hands but it's something to focus on to see the light in it all.