Trying to accept my Anxiety but can't find others like me or an explanation.

[Hamada]

Hey all, so recently iv'e been diagnosed with a panic disorder, but I don't think many people truly understand how bad it is, lately iv'e been switching on and off my meds because of withdrawal and starting a new batch, I developed a phobia of Serotonin Syndrome and withdrawal and feel constantly trapped by it, before this started (A month ago) i was as lazy as a rug on valium, never really doing much, always in control of my emotions to a sociopathic degree and spent my days playing video games and going to the gym, after an overdose on preworkout it took about a week for the symptoms to kick in and the past 3 weeks have been a hellstorm of anxiety and nervousness.

I just can't tell what is happening to me, during an emergency(My mother had to be taken to hospital) I sprung into action like I normally do and was relatively calm through the whole ordeal, then laid down and went back to my panic attacks, the void of my thoughts seems to be all-consuming like I can't escape from under it and my "coping" strategies last for a day or two at most and they're "harmful" strategies at that, I seem to spend nearly every moment in abject terror even when i'm focused on something or someone.

I never left the house before apart from the gym, so I feel like im still in the same place doing the same thing as I usually would if i wasn't having these attacks, but I can never find any information on if this is wrong or good or bad etc etc, I can't seem to find any human stories about people who have had the same level of anxiety and constant panic attacks as me and what they did to even reduce it by 10%, does anyone have any advice or links to places I can go to read what I should be doing to get back to some semblance of my life? thanks alot.

[Bluray]

Hi Hamada,

I am sorry to hear all the struggles you are going through.

Start with downloading some meditations to your phone. Give yourself 10 minutes every morning and night to practice the breathing techniques on them. The Calm ones are good. It sounds funny but a lot of us need to learn to breathe correctly.

Secondly nothing in life is good or bad - it just is. Try to stop yourself from thinking this way.

Never go off or on medications that a doctor has prescribed for you. I did this and life was a nightmare for 3 months. If you are having problems with your meds tell your doctor you need more help with them. This could actually been the cause of anxiety.

What you are talking about with your Mum is totally natural - its just your adrenaline kicking in.

All the best and I hope this has helped or given you something to think about.

[Step_Twelve]

Hi Hamada,
Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing. It sounds like you're having a tough struggle with some very controlling and severe anxiety at the moment. Good on you for reaching out.

When you mentioned the emergency with your mother, I immediately had a familiar thought: isn't it fascinating how effective and useful we can be in a crisis?! I have a theory that those of us with anxiety are almost constantly in a kind of internal 'crisis mode' and therefore we get very accustomed to it – so much that we've actually learned to function really well in that frame of mind and we can think more clearly in stressful situations that would overwhelm most people. And isn't it a weird juxtaposition to instantly go from feeling useless to literally being the most useful person in the room?

Those trite observations aside, I can personally relate to the all-consuming thoughts and harmful management strategies you described.

It has taken me too many years to realise that being idle and isolated for too long is very very bad for my anxiety. This may not be true for everyone, but I know that if I don't constantly give my brain something to do, or someone to connect with, it will invent impossible problems and descend into a spiral of self-torment.
I'm saying this because your post makes it sound as though you may also have a tendency to isolate yourself and fall into habits that enable negative overthinking. Anxious people are often introverted and reaching out to connect with friends or family can take an enormous effort. But for me, pushing through this reluctance to regularly get 'out of my own head' is absolutely essential.

If this is similar for you, I recommend using some of the “Staying well” strategies on this site, e.g: meet up with friends, call someone to talk, go to the gym, work on a project or hobby, meditate, etc. Essentially, anything that gives your mind something else to do.

If this advice is off-track or doesn't resonate with you, there are lots of other management strategies that may help. I'd recommend starting a conversation with your doctor. Doing this alone reduced my anxiety and panic attacks, as I finally felt like I had a plan and something to be hopeful about. Things improved immensely from there with a combination of therapy, medication, and some big changes in my habits.

Keep working on it and you're sure to improve. Best of luck.