The dreaded “networking” event

[EllieC]

Hi guys,

I’m attending a conference at the moment for members of my profession. I’m absolutely loving all the presentations and learning so much so I’m glad to be here, but I’m finding it really quite hard to feel comfortable during breaks when we’re supposed to mingle and “network” - a word that sends chills through socially anxious people like myself. I’m too shy to talk to people, then I worry that I’m being too weird because I’m not talking. There are some people here that I’ve met at previous events but every time I’ve spotted them they’re already having a conversation with someone else so I don’t want to interrupt

Does anyone have tips on how to be a little more confident and forward in speaking to people... or even just to be more comfortable with standing on my own? (I’d take that over feeling like everyone thinks I’m a friendless leper!)

If I can reflect, it seems to me like as my anxiety improves I start being able to do things I couldn’t have done five years ago - like going to this conference! - but that presents new challenges, and it makes me wonder if I’m actually improving or whether I’m just transferring my anxiety to new things?

[JessF]

Hello EllieC,

Well done on making it to the conference! Knowing that you wouldn't have been able to get this far five years ago is worth congraulating yourself for. It's a big step to be in a roomful of people and sit with those awkward and embarrassed feelings, instead of avoiding the conference altogether. That is progress. Yes, there are now new challenges, but there will always be new challenges, and you are practically now looking for ways to solve these by posting here to ask for advice. So I feel you're in a good place.

Now...how to be more confident and forward? Well, I hope this doesn't make this sound easy when it isn't, but the key to the 'mingle' is an extension of what you've done already to get yourself to the conference. You need to give yourself a gentle push, make the approaches and ask the questions *while still* feeling anxious and with the little voice telling you 'I might make an idiot of myself'.

I would start with setting yourself some small goals, for example, while you're watching a presentation, write down a few questions you can ask, and then approach the presenter afterwards to ask them. See if you can make one of the questions relevant to your own work and ask if the presenter can point out or introduce you to other people present who you might be able to network with on that subject (that sounds a bit vague, but I'm hoping you understand what I mean).

With the people you have met previously, I would just pop over and join the conversation, making out like you are on your way somewhere else and just wanted to say hello. What you will often find happens is that the person who they're speaking to will see this as an excuse to move on (sometimes you can get stuck in conversations and not be able to find a polite way to exit - your interruption may be a godsend for somebody!)

Good luck and let us know how you go.

[quirkywords]

EllieC

Well done for going to your conference. That is a huge achievement and you should be proud of yourself.

Even people who feel comfortable talking to others at conferences have told me that sometimes they must take a deep breath when they see a room full of people they don't know.

Sometimes looking for a small group and just listen and if there is break you can say hi my name is … and I come from ... or something short and sweet.

Even if you try just to talk to you one person and say hello in a day or a session.

If there is food around , it can be a time to start up a conversation while you are waiting in line for food.

You are improving and the fact you have made it to the conference , shows how well you have done.

Standing by yourself or sitting, can you have a book with a catchy title or a fascinating topic on your lap or holding it and people may come up to you and ask you about the book.

Just a few ideas .

Quirky

[Summer Rose]

Hi EllieC

Congrats on getting to the event! This is a win. If you can push for more, great. But it's okay if it doesn't happen now. There is always a next time. Take the pressure off yourself and things might be easier.

You've already been given some great advice. If you want to give networking a go, here are a couple practical suggestions that have worked for me in the past:

• Be sure to say hello to the people you're sitting next to in the session. When it's time to break, start a conversation when you rise to exit. Open the door with a simple " What did you think about ...?" You'll likely be heading in the same direction, so just kind of tag along and chat. They might be grateful for the company too and you could end up having coffee together.

• You can approach others who are alone. They will likely really welcome the advance, so less pressure.

• A positive way to approach someone is with a compliment. "Hi. I'm xxx. Just wanted to say I thought your question on xx was right on point." Or "Couldn't help but notice your great coat. Colour is fantastic on you." You will get a thank you. If the person seems friendly introduce yourself and hopefully the conversation will move on.

Always remember that if you don't get a positive response it likely has norhing to do with you. The person may be rushing to make a phone call or to meet someone.

Good luck.