Suffer from very bad anxiety - please help

[Emerald12]

Hi, for years now I suffer from terrible social anxiety and just to leave the house when I’m not working is a massive battle.. I’m nearly 30 years old and I can’t even go to the supermarket or fueling my car up without freaking out , I am getting married next year to the love of my life and I am very worried as I need to do a speech and my social anxiety is terrible .. so worried the words won’t spit out and it’s choking me .. please what will help me .. I’ve tried exercise and everything and none of that stuff helps , my anxiety is to strong it over takes me every time

thanks

[T_D]

Hi,

I'm by no means a professional but I also have severe anxiety and although different people find comfort from anxiety in different ways, I've found a few techniques really work for me that you might also find useful.

I'm sure people before have told you to breathe deeply, but there is a practice in which you imagine your worries as a brick in your stomach. As you breathe in imaging the brick getting smaller and as you breathe out imagine your stomach expanding. I find this super useful because anxiety can be such a strong and overwhelming feeling that you can't just picture it leaving, but this tool lets you minimize the feeling.

Also, something that is amazing to do on a day-to-day basis to overcome anxiety in general is use an app called worry-time. You use it by adding worries you have throughout the day into the app and at the end of the day addressing them all with more perspective from outside the situation to really convince yourself that it will be okay.

In relation to your wedding, I think it's just important to remember that on that day you will be surrounded by people who love you and are so happy for you. For your speech, it might be easier to do it sitting down or something along those lines to make you more comfortable and relaxed.

Are you seeing anybody for your anxiety or taking any medication?

- T

[Emerald12]

Thank you very much for the reply and kind words and the great information , unfortunately I’ve tried the exercises of breathing etc and my mental brain always takes over and starts thinking about it over and over and I lose self control with it but I defently will keep trying that side of it

For the wedding side of it I defently want to try my best to make sure I have a day and night to remember in a good way and not hopefully in a bad way where I remember freaking and sweating and thinking everyone was noticing what I was thinking and going through which is one part of what happens with my anxiety a lottttt, I always fear that people will notice that I’m freaking and looking like a really small part of my self , I want to look strong and confident and be the man I’ve always wanted people to see me as

This is actually the first time I have come out with it apart with talking to my family and my fiancé which are very understanding about it and I am very close to making the first step to talking to a doctor or someone else and discuss medication as I need something for the build up to the wedding and something for the day to control my emotions and my fear of talking , I want it to be a good day and if medication will help that then I’m all for it

thanks once again

[Aaronsis]

Hi Emerald12

I just wanted to say how amazing you are to make the choice to reach out and share your struggle with anxiety, I can hear from your message how this is impacting your life and I am so sorry that you live with this everyday to the point you struggle to go to the supermarket or get petrol, I really have no idea what that must be like for you.

I wanted to say how very lucky and very blessed your fiance is to have a partner like yourself. The way you speak of your upcoming wedding day and how you obviously want to share a wonderful day with your bride and friends and family, in which you will. I have been giving this some thought and I have come up with something, in fact there are two things that I wonder how you will feel about.

You are focusing on the wedding reception and presenting as the strong and confident man that you are, and not wanting to come across as freaking and full of stress and anxiety and sweating. So I am wondering if you relieve some of the pressure from the wedding and have another dinner PRE WEDDING, that you can focus on. At this dinner you will do a speech, I feel like it will take all the focus off the "Wedding Speech" and you can "worry" about this dinner. It also allows you to practice some speaking infront of those you love with out the pressure of your wedding day. I feel like once you conquer this pre wedding dinner and show yourself that you can do this, as I really believe you can, as you seem a very determined man, the wedding day will have become so much smaller in it's anxiety to you.

If that doesn't seem like something that would work for you how about the idea that you don't actually do a speech but you pre record one. In the privacy of your own home and with a home camera that can be played on the day. It will be less stressful for you and you still get to say your message to your new wife and your friends and family.

Well I am not sure if I have helped at all Emerald12 but I wish you and your fiance a wonderful wedding day, and something inside of me just tells me you are going to be amazing.

Hugs to you

AS

[Butterfly64]

Hi Emerald12 - well done for reaching out! I agree with AS's idea about pre-recording a speech. It will take the pressure off, you can redo it over and over until you're happy with it in the security of your own home. Many people are nervous about doing a speech - maybe you could make light of it and just say 'please sit back and enjoy my speech - thought I'd have a better chance of saying what I wanted to if I was sober and didn't have the jitters so I've pre-recorded it for your viewing pleasure!' Medication may help take the edge off too - you've got time on your side to find out if it will work for you or not.

[T_D]

Hi again Emerald12,

Sharing your experiences here is a great first step to getting help and it's fantastic that your family and fiancé are so understanding. In my experiences seeing a professional changed everything because having practical advice tailored to your situation and medication if needed can really give you the foundations you need to cope much more easily.

I completly understand how overwhelming anxiety can be especially with something so public as a speech, but I think if you learn techniques to enlist when your really worried and possibly take medication to lessen the stresses, with some time and practice you can learn to live with the stresses and work through the anxiety to get to a place where doing things on a daily basis as well as special occasions like your wedding speech won't seem so overwhelming and you will be able to do them with a lot more ease.

I hope this helps, and on a side note, congratulations (in advance) on getting married!