Hi SusieH91
I feel for you so much as you face a past experience that was so stressful (the PE), inner dialogue that stresses you so much and the fear associated with not having a solid answer as to what's going on. Such an intensely challenging combination, for sure.
When it comes to detective work, the most important thing involves anything physically life threatening being ticked off the list of suspects. Of course this doesn't eliminate other physical suspects when looking for clues. Given how intensely linked the rest of our body is with our brain and mind, the question could be 'How is my mind, my brain and the rest of my body interacting?'.
As a gal who once suffered from silent migraines (migraines without headaches) at one point in time, I can say the brain can be a pretty glitchy thing at times. Besides mimicking some of the signs of a stroke, the migraines used to set off my nervous system something shocking, to the point where a GP wanted to put me on anti anxiety meds. Another GP sent me for a brain MRI. I call it a miracle that I was experiencing a migraine in the MRI machine at the time, so they could see what was causing what appeared to be anxiety attacks. How electrical activity and slight blood pressure changes in the brain can impact the nervous system is an interesting topic. The question could also be 'Can the stresser in me also trigger little shifts in electrical activity and blood pressure, impacting my nervous system?'. Who knows. One thing's for sure and this is that we're incredibly complex creatures.
From a purely mental perspective, inner dialogue can be a mongrel at times, putting it mildly. Whatever it is chatting away up there in our head and wherever it's coming from can either make for a heaven on earth experience or a hell on earth experience. This is where I find a bit of imagination to be handy. If I imagine I'm multifaceted, I should be able to tap into the adventurer in me, the sage in me, my inner disciplinarian etc. When the stresser in me, the pessimist in me, the saboteur, the brutal inner critic etc starts up, it's definitely not at all helpful. If I imagine I am the manager of every facet of myself, the question becomes 'How am I going to manage the anxiety inducing stresser in me?', for example. Or if you want to imagine the old 'angel on one shoulder/devil on the other' scenario, the question becomes 'How can I shut the hell up and hear more of what's going to bring me a little heaven on earth or relief?'. From my own experience, the problem is not inner dialogue, the real problem is not knowing how to manage it or be the master of the stresser, saboteur, pessimist etc.
While it doesn't always work, when I'm incredibly stressed or I can feel myself teetering on the brink of depression, there are times where I'll question 'What would the sage in me say about this?'. As a matter of fact, I did this just this morning while managing a highly stressful and aggravating element of my late father's estate. With so many components to this one problem I'm managing as the executor, I opened my mind while questioning 'What do I do?'. What came to mind was 'Breathe, for a start, and then consider you can only manage one thing at a time. Create a sense of order. Create a list and then demand results from the people around you'. As a bit of a 'woo woo' gal😊, I like to imagine such sage advice is coming from my dad. The imagination can be an incredibly handy tool at times, unless it's completely out of control. Whatever it is that's leading you to imagine the worst, question it.❤️
