Struggling

[Whatsinaname]

Hi,

Firstly, I'm writing this on my phone, so I apologise in advance.

I've found my self constantly drift back to this forum in times of need to find someone I can relate with to lessen the feeling of being alone.

I'm currently sitting on the couch with my 7 month old son, who I love more than life itself, on my lap. But my mind couldn't be further away. I think the fear of losing him and his mum is a huge part of my anxiety. I also hate putting them both through my "moods" and the fear I'll always do it to them

My anxiety seems to stem from constantly regretting past mistakes.

We are building a new home, which should be a great situation, but my anxiety is beating me because we are in a competition to win money or car or something. All i can think about is not wanting to win because they will want to put me in some kind of promotional thing.

Even as simple as naming me a winner makes me anxious, not really sure why it matters because a simple Google search shows who I am and where I work anyway.

I honestly am not sure why I'm posting this and I think that's why I've put it off for so long.

[Jackson85]

Hi Whatsinaname,

All on your phone and not one typo; that's impressive!

It's a really common feeling amongst those who have real ups and downs, be it with depression, anxiety, or any kind of struggles, that those around you will tire of your moods and want to leave. I totally understand that fear, as I've felt it myself, and it's an entirely normal worry to have. However, what I keep hearing from the partners of those who are struggling is that the moods and difficulties aren't a problem, as long as the person is trying to progress and keep moving forward. If you are trying to reduce your anxiety, which I think you are because posting on here shows that motivation :), then partners see that, and they know that everyone has issues they need to work out.

Have you thought about talking to someone about your anxiety or your feelings of regret about past mistakes? It could be helpful to be able to work through some of this stuff with someone, even just to get some stuff off your chest to someone who is on your side.

If you're having trouble about past mistakes in particular, there is some interesting material by Sam Harris regarding free will, and whether or not we can feel responsible for things we might have got wrong in the past. He does podcasts, and there is plenty of stuff on youtube as well.

Either way, it's great you posted, and I'd be happy to chat more on here,

Jackson85

[Whatsinaname]

Thanks Jackson.

Probably proof I spend to much time on my phone.

Thanks a lot for the podcast reference, I'll definitely look it up.

I should have mentioned I do see psych and he knows my mistakes and we work through them. I was leave feeling a lot better, but it's only a matter of time until it dwindles.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply

[Jackson85]

You're absolutely welcome!

I'm glad you're speaking to someone, it sounds like you're on a good path.

Feel free to post anytime, I'll be thinking of you 🙂

Jackson85