Struggling with my head

[ruruibby]

Hi! So I’ve been told I have severe anxiety, severe stress and severe depression. I don’t know what to do or where to go about it. When I try to speak about what I’m feeling it never comes out as intense as I feel! When I’m having an attack I feel terrified, I can feel my insides shaking, my throat feels like it’s closing, my chest hurts, my jaw hurts, I feel like I’m going to faint, I’m scared. I feel things in my body and I fixate on them always thinking the most extreme medical emergency, if I read something in the news about someone having a medical issue I all of a sudden start feeling that and become petrified that I have it too! I’m struggling to leave the house even taking my kids to school is hard most days. I can’t go grocery shopping or go to public places alone, every thing that can be done online I do. I’m struggling being social even eye contact is becoming something I’m uncomfortable with. I overthink the small things and work myself up and become flustered, just knowing I have something I need to do even something small like vacuuming really stresses me out. I’m becoming forgetful, when I’m putting the dishes away I’m always mixing up cupboards and feel really clumsy, sometimes I walk around the kitchen holding a plate and for a small moment just feel so confused and disoriented about where it goes. I rarely can keep appointments because I always end up cancelling because it involves leaving the house, even if the appointment is for something like hairdresser I overthink being in a situation where I have to make conversation with someone so I just don’t go. I even struggle answering the phone. I’m an at home mum but I know eventually I’ll have to go to work, how do I do that? I’m terrified thinking of that day.

[smallwolf]

Hi,

Welcome to beyond blue.

Those sensations you write about - that was me a couple of years ago when I recognised I needed help.

Can I ask who told you that you had severe anxiety and depression? If someone said that I would also hope they would have given you some information about what to do. For example, chat with a counselor or psychologist or psychiatrist.

But it is also good that you have come here. In saying that I will tell you a little about my psychologist - when I see her I am not in a depressed state as I might have been a few days ago but I can definitely take her through things that have happened and we work through them.

This time of year I am down as my birthday comes up and I cannot see a sunshine.

[smallwolf]

Stupid me hit post

And we spoke about the issues since last seeing her. And I get homework like starting a new journal of things I have done well. I am hyper critical of myself. And mistakes take me back to my earlier years where this was made quite evident to me.

So I believe your story and I can also envision a way forward for you. I suppose you need to find someone who can listen to you, believe you and then help you work out a way to manage and cope.

And if my listening to you helps then I will do that also. All it takes is for you to tell more of your story and maybe ask a few questions?

Tim

[Alana_H]

Hello ruruibby,

It sounds like a really rough time for you right now, parenting with a mental illness would be one of the most difficult things person can do. I want you to know that this forum in anonymous and non-judgemental, so this can be a safe place for you right now when other spaces don't feel safe. From what you've said it sounds like your anxiety might be getting worse than normal, restricting your activities more and more, does this sound right?

It sounds like there is so much going on for you and feeling worried about leaving the house must be really isolating for you, especially if you feel you can't get out there to get support. I know I felt isolated when I was a stay at home mum, but having anxiety must make it so much harder. You said you are able to take the kids to school (even though it's hard), I wonder what makes you be able to leave the house then? It sounds like you really care about your kids.

I can see that you've identified that you're thoughts are preventing you doing things you want to do, and that is a really important step in trying to manage those thoughts, so well done. Like smallwolf, I wonder if you have any support from a psychologist in your life? If not, and you want to know more about them, feel free to ask on this forum. If you really feel like you're struggling and you need to call someone right away, beyondblue has a phoneline too, 1300 22 4636. Also definitely feel free to post back on this page to let us know how you are.

Alana_H

[Needmylifeback]

Hi there I know exactly what you mean I am going through the same feelings I am always anxious and scared I feel like I'm losing my mind..I have always been a tough strong person been the backbone of my family whilst suffering with anxiety I just always found a way to talk myself around it,but something happened to me a few weeks ago my whole body stated shaking I was confused and disoriented and i can't seem to get back from it..I spend most days in bed I cancel everything my daughter hasn't been to school and I feel like iv got Evey medical problem in the book I don't feel like I'm in my own body most days and it's driving me insane..so please don't think your alone I know exactly how you feel and it's frightening..

[ruruibby]

Hi! I’m so sad to read that you are feeling these things, do you have anyone close enough to you that can help you through this? Sadly, I don’t and I think that doesn’t help my situation 😞
I totally get how hard it can be to leave the house, my kids too have had many days off school and it got so bad that I had to reduce my youngest child care days from 3 to 2 days per week because I just couldn’t get him there! How old is your daughter?
If you do need to reach out and talk, I’m here... I hope you get through this.

[quirkywords]

welcome Needmylifeback, ruribby,

You are not alone many people like you with children will be able to relate to what you both wrote.

By being honest and sharing your story many reading will not feel alone.

I suppose being able to d many things online it does make it easier in a way but there are still times you must leave the house.

when my children were young I was always late getting there and late picking them up. I don't drive so I had to walk and I kept putting it off then I felt guilt as I was late. I was depressed not anxious and the effort was sometimes too much.

Needmylifeback have you spoken to a doctor or a counsellor. I wonder did something happen in your life recently to cause this reaction of confusion and disorientation you have experienced?

Smallwolf and Alanna have made supportive replies.

You are alone and there is support here and people willing to listen .

Quirky.

[Atmraanedgaer]

Thank you for this post, I thought i was the only one going through this. My aniexty hit me 2 weeks ago, i ended up in hospital last week with a nervous brake down as i thought i was dying. I had body hot and cold fushes, dizzy, blurred vision, cold sensation in both my arms and through to my chest and head. I had ct scan, cheat xrays, blood tests, heart monitor i had it all and it all came back normal, the doctor said i had aniexty and i cried at him telling him he was wrong how could aniexty do this to my body. It wasnt until i did an online test that points out all the symptoms (which i got 84/100 - server Anxiety disorder ) that i realised that I have a problem and that its all in my head. I was (still am) panicking about dying and thought i had cancer and was going to die (i lost my mum to Cancer 2 years ago ) so i had ultrasound on my uterus and breast to see if i had cancer, i had colonoscopy as i thought I had bowel cancer, i was obsessed and self diagnosing myself on google wasnt helping or Facebook. The thought of leaving my kids scares me so ive got so worried about it that it was affecting my life and my family as i am also a stay at home mum, and have avoided social situations for a while and stopped studying this past term as i thought i was sick and wanted to get better before returning (probably made things worse). I found going to the doctor made my attacks come back but i had to go so i forced myself. Im seeing a psychologist next week for the first time and ive started on antidepressants which i hope will help soon. I have been getting better my attacks arent as serve but i do still get dizzy, tingly and chest pain but i have to keep telling myself its just aniexty. I have started walking everyday with only happy music playing, ive taken myself off Facebook, i dont watch tv and my house has never been so clean as it keeps my mind busy and remembering more. I also listen to smiling mind app meditation before i go to bed as i was waking up with panic attacks and i haven't had one in days. You will get better you just need to take it a day at a time and i found while i would smile and say hi to people passing where as before i wouldn't even look at them.

[Atmraanedgaer]

Oops i hit reply too early....

Find something you enjoy too, for me its gardening or drawing and join a health or fitness class yoga or boxing im going to try boxing ha ha should be a laugh. You need to look after yourself now, be greedy and do things for yourself..bit of retail therapy always helps but get out not online...baby steps though. Im still dealing with mine but i dont want my kids to suffer because of me and trying to be happy around them makes them happy and i love seeing my kids happy. You will have days where you feel crap i had one yesterday but just pick yourself up and say you can get through this. You totally can!!!
Good luck with it
Amanda

[Sophie_M]

Dear Atmaraanedgaer,

Thank you for reaching out. It certainly sounds like you have been going through a lot. It's good to hear that you have linked in with professional supports and have a supportive family too. 

Please do not hesitate to call either of the below helplines when feeling distressed:
Lifeline 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467
beyondblue Support Service 1300 22 4636
Kids Helpline (for ages between 5 and 25) 1800 551 800
 
Regards,
Beyond Blue