Stark Raving GAD...!

KatBX · ‎04-06-2017

Hi everyone. I'm posting here for the first time to see if anyone has helpful hints for my anxiety? I have been a self-employed contractor for 25 years. Its taken a long time to build up my network, but I have been relatively successful and fed and clothed myself. Many times it as been a struggle, almost virtually living hand to mouth. Not being able to relax and enjoy my life much of the time as I am too worried about where the next job will come from. As a result my relationships have been disastrous, I've never married or had kids as I would have liked too. I've had to travel away for work, which have been fabulous opportunities, but I have lost a two boyfriends as they felt rejected. I've just been trying to support myself. I had to go where the work was. I just don't want to end up on the street. I'm finding it hard to focus on anything and being proactive and I'm constantly haunted by the image of a Zero bank balance. The anxiety has got so bad that I just don't enjoy the process of doing my work anymore. I race through and make mistakes and just don't have the attention to detail that I used to have. It feels like performance anxiety. Heart palpitations, shaky hands, sweats. I think I'm crap, I'm a fraud, no-one likes working with me, my clients are judging me. Its affecting the quality of my work and my care-factor. I have lost confidence in myself. I have have been on antidepressants in the past, but after a few months I just don't feel or care about anything. When I'm not working its either not leaving my room or writing enormous 'to-do' lists to fool myself into being proactive, but then I just get over-whelmed and end up doing bugger all. I've been told I should perhaps look into some other line of work. But I just don't know what I could do? I don't have any other skills. And the idea of having to re-train is just so overwhelming. I don't have enough savings to take time off to do so. The stress of having to 'sell myself' to get work is just too much. Its hard to spruik something you don't believe in. Some of my lack of motivation, I'm sure, is a resentment about my industry as I feel that its not let me have fulfilling life, because of how much stress and anxiety it causes me. I don't want to be alone forever. I just want some sort of job security. But I'm a fool thinking that being a freelancer. Thanks in advance if you have any good ideas to help me see all this in from a better perspective.... 🙂 K

Mr_Walker · ‎04-06-2017

Hi KatBX, welcome to the forums.

I was in a very similar situation (although we had a second income) and I'm still trying to find a different angle with my business to try to avoid the problems you're describing! So I don't have any good business advice...

But have you seen a psychologist? Because I found it extremely helpful to understand WHY I was feeling that way - I'm still not making enough money in my field but I'm working again (the stress made me have to quit altogether).

Also have you tried different medication? Because everyone has different brain chemistry and it sometimes takes a few tries to find one that works AND doesn't have bad side effects...

BballJ · ‎04-06-2017

Hi KatBX,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Sorry to read what you are going through, I have had anxiety for around 10 years so I know a little about it, I never reached out for help with my anxiety until last year and it really did help when I did. I know you said you have been on anti-depressants, was this just from a GP, or are you currently or have you seen a psychologist?

As Mr Walker said above, seeing a psychologist is really great, and mine really helped me understand where my anxiety stems from which is something I really recommend for you if you haven't done it before.

As far as tips for dealing with anxiety, there is heaps, Music really helps calm me down, Mindfulness is something that is spoken about on here a lot and maybe be worth looking in to. My anxiety used to be really bad before bed so my psychologist gave me tips for that, do you find your anxiety keeps you up at night?

My best for you,

Jay

dookie081 · ‎07-06-2017

Hi Kat,

I can definitely emphasis with you. I also have really bad anxiety - particularly about work. My sense of dread is about stuffing up and being fired. It pretty much takes up my whole though processes at the moment.

The things that work form is (a) talking about it with my wife as she normally can point out how unlikely it is and that if it did happen, there would be solutions and (b) seeing a counsellor to talk about my fears (c) Doing something to act on my fear. For instance, my anxiety at the moment is about one particular work related thing so I made the decision to schedule a catchup with my boss to discuss it on Friday.

Even with this, I am still permanently filled with dread about but talking about it at least gets it out of my head, and doing something to address it also does.

I hope this helps?

Tufflife · ‎08-06-2017

Hello Kat. Try mindfulness, I'm new to it, just learning it can really help with a lot of things. Look it up. Read a book about it. Hope it helps, all the best. Shane.

bipolarbeauty · ‎09-06-2017

Hello KatBX,

Welcome!

I am sorry you are experiencing feeling anxious. When I'm anxious, as mentioned already above by Jay, music works best for me. I tend to listen to rain or ocean waves sounds, as well as meditative music. And do lots of deep, long breaths. In terms of antidepressants - I see it as a trial and error. Not all medications will work well for your body, based on my personal experiences. I can't give you any suggestions on what medications are best on these forums, but perhaps a check in with your GP would help? If you Google:

beyond blue - find a professional

You can find a range of health professionals/health services available - including a psychologist who may be able to help you with the anxiety too.

Hope these tips work for you.

Take care,
Suzi