Social anxiety and phobia of staying in others house

[YHY89]

Hi everyone,

I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember, but social anxiety has only started making appearance in recent years. My sister in law and her family hired a cabin for the upcoming June long weekend. My mother/father in law also own a cabin and it was assumed that the rest of the family would stay in their cabin. The cabin sleeps 6 people (1x Queen and a room with 2x bunk beds). My husband and I would be sharing the bunk beds with my other sister in law and her husband. I've always avoided staying at other people's houses and I'm worried about spending an entire long weekend in a tiny cabin. There's is minimal space/privacy, one bathroom to share, and my worst nightmare is sleeping in a room with other people! I also have OCD and have a very structured routine. Plus, I feel like I'd be in everyone's way and take too much time with showering/getting ready (I hate being rushed).

With all this in mind, my hubby immediately told his Mum that we wouldn't be going. His Mum is apparently disappointed we're not coming and said "then, we'll have to organise another family get together to celebrate your Dad and sisters' birthdays". I feel so upset for being a disappointment & letting everyone down, compounded by the fact it's their birthdays. Part of me really doesn't want to go because I'll be uncomfortable the whole time, but I don't want to disappoint his family. What seems like an easy thing to do is giving me so much grief. I've taken the day off work and haven't been able to stop thinking about this situation. What should I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[pawsy]

Oh my heart goes out to you. Staying over and sharing space with others is difficult for many of us, and you sound so thoughtful and caring for these other family members. I'm so glad you came and shared, because your post makes me feel less alone in my own worries. The advice given here, and your constructive planning seem certain to support you on your weekend away. Best wishes.

[YHY89]

Thank you Pawsy. I'm glad my post helped. I also feel better knowing that I'm not alone in this and we can support each other through the hard times. All the best to you too

[Croix]

Dear YHY89~

What a lovely post, I'm so pleased you have taken action and are now about to see a councilor, which is just fine. Do you mind if I suggest you tell either your GP or counselor about possible OCD straight off? That can then be diagnosed and if positive incorporated in your therapy, after all it is not that ideal a situation to be helped on only part of the problem when you could be helped on all of it.

If you are mistaken and it is not OCD that's not a problem, it simply means you cannot professionally diagnose yourself:) The symptoms you report will still have a cause and it still need addressing.

Your in-laws sound pretty good, lucky to have ones prepared to rethink their assumptions and be understanding. I'm sure that in itself will be a help.

You are also finding out that your presence here and frankness are a help to others - a good feeling and the whole idea of this place (I think Pawsy has found the cutest avatar of them all:)

If you would like please let us know how the overnight stay and your counseling session go, we are all hoping these things go well for you.

Croix

[james1]

Hello YHY89,

I'm so glad to see the community come and share their own experiences. As you mentioned in your last post, you're certainly not alone in this and your post has clearly resonated with a lot of people - there are many more who haven't even posted, but would've read your post and felt a little less alone.

I'm glad to hear your in-laws were understanding - sometimes it can be really hard for us to express our own wants and needs because we're afraid people will respond badly. I'm the same and, to my pleasant surprise, most people respond better than I expect. For now, all the best with the counsellor!

James

[YHY89]

Dear Croix

Thank you for responding!

I am thinking of calling the GP to change the recommended counsellor as they are only available two days a week which would interfere with work. So it will be a good time to let the GP know about my OCD so that it can be incorporated into my sessions. Hopefully I can change counsellors easily (I hate changing plans and inconveniencing people).

On a positive note, It's been really good to reflect on the past week and see how far I have come within a short period of time. With the support of my husband and his family, I've managed to get back on track and into routine again.

I will definitely keep you and the community updated on the cabin stay on the June long weekend, and my first counselling session.

Thanks and take care,

YHY89

[YHY89]

Hi James

I hope you're well. I'm so grateful I can speak with you and others in this community. It's been great to share my experiences and receive advice/suggestions from others going through similar issues.

My in laws have been very supportive and accommodating to my needs this week. I realised that I shouldn't assume the worst in others (as you mentioned, their reactions were so much better than I expected).

Thanks again for responding to all of my comments.

All the best and take care.

YHY89

[geoff]

Hello YHY89, thank you for getting back to us, not only does it help us but it certainly helps you to talk with other people who may be suffering from the same fate.

If you tell your GP you are struggling with anxiety, there's every chance they will be trying to find out if you have OCD, but I remember sitting in a session with my psychologist who I had been visiting for 20 odd years, only because it was paid for by w/cover, and asked her if she knew I was doing a 'habit' while talking with her and her answer was no, she hadn't noticed anything, because I did it while she looked away.

You can't feel silly by mentioning it, it's not your fault, and besides, they may also have a family member who also suffers from it and know exactly what it entails, plus a psychologist would have spoken to many other people about all sorts of different issues, that's only kept between you and them, no one else will know, it's a patient privilege they are sworn to behold, so please don't be afraid.

Let us know how you get on.

Geoff.

[YHY89]

Hi Geoff

Thank you for the suggestions and reassurance.

I've been meaning to call the GP to see if I can change the recommended counsellor and update them about my OCD. I tend to procrastinate when it comes to the important things, but plan to call the GP tomorrow.

Thanks again,

YHY89