slipping away from my family

[humanleague]

I have difficulty with big change. It brings on severe anxiety and depression.
I have lived where i live for over a decade and i'm very happy here. All my friends are here, my hobbies and outlets that make me happy (and keep my anxiety & depression at bay) are all here. I'm close to my parents, who are also living close by.
Over the last few years my wife has been making notions that she wants to move. Recently she's been putting the hard shoulder on me even harder 😞

When we first moved here quite some time ago, we had so many hopes and dreams. It's a beautiful seaside town. We were happy and we bought our home with the intention of it being our forever home. It was a wonderful time. We had our kids here.
My wife doesn't have many friends and finds it hard to make them. Her family doesn't live close by. Over time, her happiness has waned and in turn makes my kids not want to be here as well.
I feel outnumbered.
I know most people reading this are thinking "what a selfish jerk, it's all about you isn't it?" and that "family must always come first" and i should sacrifice everything for them.
I'm willing to do that, family does come first and they deserve to be happy, but just the thought of uprooting and moving away from my very close circle of friends and all the things that i love to do is making me feel completely dead inside. Sure i could get counseling to help with the change after it's happened, but i don't know how long i will be able to keep up the facade that i'm fine & everything is okay .
On the other hand, if i hold my ground & attempt to keep everyone here, there's a chance it will put strain on my Marriage and my young family will be miserable & everything will fall apart anyway.

Sometimes i feel like i could just turn and walk away from my family and be happy on my own. But i know that's just my mental state completely taking over and getting the better of me. I do love my wife and family & i know that's not even thinking straight, but i do get those thoughts when i'm at my lowest

So i feel like it's a no win situation at the moment. Talking it over with my wife immediately gets my stomach in knots and i feel an immeasurable amount of sorrow and despair, to the point of feeling nauseous and on the verge of a panic attack.

If anyone has any advice to give,or words of comfort, or anything i would appreciate it. Even if it's just to feel better for a while.

[softdrinksandwich]

Hi humanleague,

This seems like a difficult situation for you. I'm glad you have shared it. I totally hear you on being in a situation where you're stuck between the concern of others and your own mental health - it's hard.

Is is possible to move somewhere else, but it's somewhat close to your current place? That way you are (while a little further) still near your friends.

What are your hobbies and outlets currently? Can you still keep them up in a new location?

I'm asking all of this to see if I can help you find a middle ground in your situation. I also think that it's the best possible way to look at it, I fear that your perspective of a "no win" situation will only cause you more and more stress and anxiety. It's not about winning! It's about figuring out what the best case scenario is for everyone. Framing it as an ultimatum will make things much more tougher.

I hope this can help you and I'm happy to chat more about the situation as it continues.

[Guest_7403]

I guess my question would be what is your wife's motivation to relocate?

If it's a fresh start to make new friends etc chances are it's not going to happen for her if she's not a naturally social person.

If it's because she's not happy with where you live and would like to pursue goals and a new lifestyle or work elsewhere....sure why not?

But personally, if it's because she's lonely and unable to make friends that will transfer to wherever you go

[Petal22]

Hi human league,

Sorry you are feeling this way….

Is there a way that your self and your wife could be happy in the place you live in now?

if your wife wants to move because she has not many friends then I feel maybe it would be good for her to find some hobbies and interests were you live so she could make friends….

I believe happiness comes from within….. we already have the things inside us to be happy we just need to be grateful for them…..

have a chat to your wife let her know how you feel maybe you could work something out together…