Severe anxiety

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Originally posted by: Mahtab on 5 February 2013

I am a 25 year old psychology student that cannot get rid of constant negative thoughts & continuing panic attacks. I work in a bank as a teller and every day is a struggle to get up and get dressed as I fear what the day has in store for me. Back in 2007 my parents split and it was a messy divorce resulting in me being stuck in the middle, then in 2010, I witnessed someone get murdered and since then my anxiety has increased immensely. I constantly feel something bad is going to happen, I'm scared of big crowds, I think sooo negatively to the point where I start suffocating and almost choking. When im in public, i get this feeling that im detached from my body and my throat starts closing up. I shake to the point where my jaw feels like its going to break in half. I have a phobia of being sick which is on my mind 24/7. I never have a proper nights sleep unless the night before I stay awake until early morning and tire myself, I'm waking up every night around same time 2,3am and I start panicking for no apparent reason. I'm so sick of being sick! There is always always always something wrong with me, either headache or I'm tired or fatigued or moody, and I'm losing the ones I love because I keep snapping at them. I just want to be panic free and live a happy life but the only way I can do that is if I live on medication for the rest of my life 😞 😞 😞

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Originally posted by: David Charles on 9 February 2013

Dear Mahtab, What is the important thing ? With regards to getting anxious around friends ? Anyone ? Adios, David.

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Originally posted by: geoff on 10 February 2013

dear Mahtab, this has been a good topic to read and very interesting, with some great ideas. David Charles has asked the question ' getting anxious around friends', well there has always been a 'pecking order' and whether it's from a working environment, family or with friends, it maybe out in the open or it maybe hidden, it doesn't really matter because both can cause a lot of damage. The dominant person who always wants to be number one will do anything to achieve their goal, stepping on anyone who steps in their way, and this can be done by making up stories, or to deliberately put something in action which will make sure that someone will fail or embarrass themselves. They will also be the loud one at any function behaving like' Les Patterson' trying to steal the show, criticising or making fun of whom they ever like. All of this then creates social anxiety. Geoff.

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Originally posted by: Scotty on 10 February 2013

Hi again Mahtab, well benzo's act a little differently than Anti D..example many long acting ones, do calm you down from a PA. Long as you take as prescribed though, it can really help, mostly short term, or you can take as needed. Anti D is more everyday, all are with some side effects though, but you need to weight up pro's cons, they wont cure you per say of Anxiety, but can help with crisis or to get over a hurdle. The best long term approach is things like CBT/Mindfulness, getting better sleep.. but if your to anxious to put this into practice , this is where i find they can help. Anxiety can get exhausting very, and sometimes you just need to break that cycle..Personally I have found Anti D' not to helpful for myself on the Anxiety front and am looking at a more long term approach like the therapy. There is some things that can help with nocturnal PA like no coffee late, horror movies, managing stress levels better, I find if i don't stay on top of those things they can hit with a vengeance. There is a good website you can get some info on this stuff, if you gooogle...( get self help.co. uk.) TC 🙂

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Originally posted by: Mahtab on 10 February 2013

Dear David, to be honest I'm not 100% certain. I have a lot of insecurities about myself, I've been judged my whole life by my parents, relatives, friends, the community, etc and I guess it's become like a second nature, I'm not happy with who I am, the choices iv taken in the past, and where I have ended up today as a person from it. The negative anxious person I become. When I'm in public around friends, I see them and hear their stories and I think why can't I live a life like that why can't I be happy with myself it's not fair I don't get it 😞 I know everyone has problems and there are people worse off than me but I just hate my life, and I hate myself.... Im not a jealous person but around others I feel like I wish I was like them, I wish I had that or this... Thinking about it so much I zone out of the conversation and I feel my throat closing up.... I'm always self conscious even though i am fit, healthy and take care of my appearance, nothing ever makes me feel good and I don't understand it anymore...

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Originally posted by: David Charles on 10 February 2013

Dear Mahtab, You are writing to me and others on the Bulletin Board as though we are friends. Your ability to define your anxiety is awesome. Geoff is on the money re: friends and their sometime competitive nature. But if dealing with yourself, friends, the Universe, the Black Hole that astronomists have yet to discover and call "Boris" is becoming an obsession then I beg you to simply be a friend to yourself. The baggage you are carrying is worthy of counselling. Woody Allen still sees his psychiatrist 3 times a week despite a successful film career and publicly dealing with his parents in various celluloid manners. And you know a good Bollywood film trounces a Woody Allen comedy anyday so you have to consider getting some professional help to carry that burden. Your parents and friends probably need to move on too. Or at least treat you like a mature adult. But you have to present yourself in the same manner in which you are responding on this site. We've all been in that dark side. Put it this way, would you like to pay your emotional and mental power bill ? Adios, David. PS Apologies if I am in metaphor city tonight. My new BB responders GPS narrator used to work for lego !

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Originally posted by: Stephen on 10 February 2013

Dear mahtab, One thing screams out at me from your postings."I witnessed a murder" this screams PTSD or post traumatic stress disorder at me. I think you should deal with this issue first of all and then maybe your parents separation after that. You must go on the search for a psychiatrist or psychologist that can help you with cbt. You must talk out these experiences and receive good advice on how to deal with issues. There are amazing mental health professionals out there but you. Must go on a journey to find them. The search tool on this website would be a good start. Medicare will cover the cost of seeing mental health professionals. I wish you all the best mahtab. I hope you can find the ability to communicate your trauma and that a good mentalhealthprofessional will put you on the path to good mental health. Please let us know how you go.

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Originally posted by: Mahtab on 11 February 2013

Thank you both Geoff and Scotty for writing to me. I agree about the social anxiety topic, but what am I supposed to do? I feel like I am always attracting these people. People that step on me and take advantage because I am too kind and scared to stand up. I don't think it's the fact that they make up stories, I just think I am so unhappy within myself that I am negative about everything with myself and envious of others who don't even know the meaning of anxiety. I have found laughter is a very good medicine, it really is. When I'm around positive people I'm on top of the world. But negativity is always in the back of my head. :( I don't understand this. I don't know if I belong in a crazy house. Scotty, I am very afraid of going on anti-depressant. I have heard the side effects are horrific and especially coming off of them? It's a very sad feeling when you feel like nobody cares about you... One of the worst feelings... I wonder if anti-depressants help you to not care? If this is the case, I will go on them straight away. My problem is I care too much about everything....Always wondering what will my father think if I drop out of uni? What will he think if i quit my job? This is the father that has never helped me in my life. But i still care? its so messed up. i am just afraid, a very frightened 25 year old....that feels like she's 10 years of age and feels like there's no way out but eternal freedom 😞

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Originally posted by: Scotty on 11 February 2013

Hi Mahtab what you describe is what many with anxiety feel. Why can't i have that like they do?, no doubt some people get more help than others, maybe inheritance, or good solid support but at the end of the day we have only the cards where dealt with. I don't think comparing ourselves is going to help huh?, Plus things don't always appear as they seem.. I do understand though, struggle is a struggle and it gets damn hard sometimes you just want to throw in the towel..Keep at those thoughts that's the only thing that will help! TC

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Originally posted by: David Charles on 11 February 2013

Dear Mahtab, "MY FATHER HAS NEVER HELPED ME IN HIS HOLE LIFE". There's the link with the other phrase picked up "I WITNESSED A MURDER". Both events were things you had no control over or you wanted a better result. Better to have parents that don't judge but are unconditional in their love. You also mention that your fear your father's acceptance of possible uni failure (as an ex). Have you got two fathers ? Or one very passive aggressive one - telling you off for "failure" at uni (although he probably would have a better relationship with you if he just loved you, uni or not). And the other - telling you NOTHING as he "has never helped me in his life" ? That's a lot of conflict in a primary relationship. No wonder you feel a bit trapped and have a constant struggle to maintain relationships. I hope a light bulb goes off in your head when you consider this perception from an equally mentally challenged individual with, again, a father that didn't care much except when he wanted to confuse, corrupt and court martial me. Took me a while to move on - these father types tend to have a better relationship with their grandchildren, second time around and all that. My dad always says "I wished I'd spent more time with David". Now just add !!!!!!! to that sentence for some therapeutic value. Adios, David. PS You are healing many others with your communication about these issues Mahtab. I salute you (not Bollywood style). Ha !

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Originally posted by: Mahtab on 12 February 2013

Thank you to all of u who wrote a response to me. The only reason why I present myself like I am friends with everyone on this site I guess is because of my nature and its just who I am... I should really present myself in reality as the strong person I appear to be, but sometimes it's just way too hard. Anyhow, I agree with everyone's perspectives, I do need counselling, I just hope and pray I can find the strength to go forward and admit that I need it and be a friend to myself and assist my future. I just hope I can get these suicidal thoughts out of my mind ASAP :( I am relieved to know I am not alone. Thank you again to you all