Severe anxiety

[EJG]

Just thought I'd reach out here to some like minded people.

My anxiety hits peak point when I'm about to commit myself to a decision and even after until the event has passed. It sits as a black pit in the core of my body and won't shift.

The only option feels like backing out of my commitment.

Any ideas?

[EJG]

Hi Mary,

With deciding not to go ahead, I can start to think a little more clearly.

It's my mind that I am most afraid of. The thoughts that race through it. My fear that I might one day decide to act on those thoughts. It terrifies me.

For quite a long time now I've tried to work out what it is I am most afraid of and this is probably it!

There are other fears of course i.e. not thinking through some properly and making a bad decision. These types of thoughts remind me of my Mum.

Sometimes I feel that I have moved forward in my mental health journey and at times like this I feel as though I'm taking a step back.

[White_Rose]

Hello EJG

Wow, three posts. Great.

May I say that everyone moves backwards and forwards in their MH. If overall we are making progress then it's OK. You seem to be writing with more clarity which I guess is why you have decided not to take that holiday. Or maybe deciding to skip the holiday for a while has lessened the pressure on you. Disappointing I imagine but you can go another time.

Racing thoughts are a real pain in the .... It's hard to hold just one thought and manage it let alone a series of thoughts. However you seem to be managing, or at least starting that journey. It will take time but I have no doubt you will get there.

You mention your fear of acting on your thoughts. I presume you mean harming yourself. Speaking as one who has travelled that road, let me assure you it's not that easy. Of course there are times we wish the world would go away and leave us alone. Or the opposite, that we can go away and leave the world. It is a seductive thought until you realise it's a one-way street.

I wrote on another thread, It takes a lot of courage to end your life no matter how much we want it to happen. And that's still true. I also said, I found that if I could not do this without hesitation then I should not do it at all. I hope you can keep this in your thoughts. In the other post I talked about putting off the deed for various reasons before finally admitting it was not something I really wanted to do. Yes I wanted relief from my pain but deep down I wanted to get over that pain and find a world where I could be happy.

Don't be too angry with yourself. These thoughts come unbidden but you do not need to act on them. "I hear you but I've got something better to do" is a good reply. I think I have said before that distracting yourself is a good counter measure. Even a walk round the block can help change your thoughts.

Monday is a public holiday so do you mean your are seeing the psychologist on Tuesday? Love to hear how you went.

Mary

[EJG]

Hi Mary,

I have googled 'unrelenting intrusive thoughts' and found some good info. It may be time to review my meds as it may be that I'm not on the best one/s for this issue.

I don't seem to fear self harm. I'm too soft and don't want to do that to my niece. That appears to work for me.

Yes my psychologist appt is Tue and I might see if I can squeeze an urgent appt in to my gp (she's booked up until Feb) as I want to review my meds sooner rather than later.

I've stayed with my parents and will head back to Adelaide tomorrow as I appear to have needed the company as I live alone.

I am a bit disappointed about the holiday and wish to work through what is possibly trauma I experienced growing up and making decisions as I'd really like to travel again.

Will keep in touch.

[White_Rose]

Happy New Year EJG and many of them.

Most GPs have appointments for emergences so you may get one of those if you believe you are in urgent need of a consultation. And of course you can be added to a cancellation list.

It's good to be informed about what is happening for you. Just do not try to remember all you read otherwise you may become confused. Or maybe I am talking to myself on that front.

It's not good to cut yourself off from the world but it is a good thing to do on occasions. When I have visitors I find after a few days I am longing for them to go. Great to see them, great to see them go.

I will soon be back with my volunteer roles. Mostly they do not start until the beginning of February but some start earlier. Being on BB is a constant except when I go away or perhaps become unwell. Good job we have a great team to take up the slack.

It's been hot just lately and will be again today. I am not good in the heat.

Mary

[Frantic1]

Thank you Mary that is quite helpful. You are right about the breathing. All the symptoms you describe are what happen to me on planes. I concentrate on my breathing taking in a deep breath to the count of 3, holding to the count of 3 then breathing out quite forcefully to the count of 3. I do this during takeoff and banking and the steepest part of the climb until the p,and settles down. I find concentrating only on my breathing shifts the focus away from the feelings of panic that try to take over. I find also that treating it like a wave and letting it wash over me and passing can also help. I am practising these techniques as I lead up to my flight to the USA at the end of this month. My doctor has prescribed new medication which has reduced my anxiety somewhat to help me be able to do some of these instead of curling up into a ball which is what I was doing previously.

Frantic

[EJG]

Thanks Mary and Happy New Year to you too!

I agree that too much internet searching can be unhelpful, I don't think I'v got too carried away yet ☺.

I was very grateful to have been able to stay with my parents when my anxiety was at its worst and I must say I was ready to leave by the time I did as well.

I've certainly heard about BB over the years however this is the first time I have actually engaged with it and it has been a positive experience. Your support over the Christmas break is extremely appreciated.

My appt with a psychologist went well. She has built up the practice and has actually recommended I see someone that specialises in anxiety. It was a pleasant experience and she didn't charge me which I certainly didn't expect and for which I was very grateful. The appt is one 1 Feb and I'm on the cancellaion list.

I'm slowly recovering from the overwhelming anxiety I experienced over the Christmas period, each day is just a little better. The exhaustion has hit today. In a few more days I should be neary myself again.

Will be good to work with someone that specialises in anxiety.

I hope you are surviving the heat. I certainly need my ac in the summer and as I've gotten older seem to struggle more and more with humidity.

[White_Rose]

Hello EJG

So pleased you feel you are getting some appropriate help and wow, not being charged. That's got to be a first.

I imagine being away from your usual places would be enough to start up your anxiety so it's good you are back in your familiar places. Sometimes seasons such as Christmas can generate anxiety as 'everyone' starts to rush around completing shopping etc. Just being in the middle of it can be a little threatening. And of course making the decision to leave the trip for a while has helped enormously.

I am surviving the heat but wish it would go away and leave simply warm and pleasant days. Humidity is horrible. I think you are right about getting older and feeling the heat more. How did we manage when we were small? It certainly hits the hip pocket with the AC on all day when I am home.

Cheers

Mary