Relationship anxiety

Smurd1993 · ‎26-09-2019

I don’t know where to start, I’ve never really talked to anyone about my anxiety, I usually just let it sit and get better with time.

6 weeks ago my husband and I were married, and back in March we found out we were pregnant! Amazing news I know. since our wedding we have been on our honey moon only getting back just over a week ago. But in the last two days my anxiety has started up again. Our lives have gone back to normal.. just feeling as routined as usual.

My husband is on his phone a lot for work, he comes home and books clients, talks designs, creates designs for the next day etc etc. but I’m starting to feel a little pushed to the side again, like I’m old news.

He has this “friend” who lives in Sydney and flys here to get work done by him occasionally. This girl is very unshy about flaunting herself all over Instagram. She uploads photos constantly in gstrings, lingerie etc. from the get go I’ve had a bad feeling about her. When she first came to get tattood he has offered to pick her up from the airport and didn’t tell me until last minute, I don’t even know this girl so why would I feel comfortable with this. I then found out they went to lunch together one day during their session. He beat around the bush with telling me but I put two and two together. We faught a lot about it. 6 months later and she’s back, I then put two and two together again and found out he was dropping her back at her hotel after he’d tattoo her. My anxiety that he might possibly be cheating flared up again, we faught ALOT while she was here. Now every time I see him talk to her I get so worried about what they’re talking about. The thing is, I know he wouldn’t physically cheat but for some reason, I can’t help but think what if? What’s he saying? Is she being flirtatious with him? Here I am pregnant, basic, boring old me and he sees her upload photos everyday all glammed up in lingerie being sexy.

Everytime he gets a message I check to see if it’s her. If I see them talking I crawl into a shell, I don’t really talk to him and my thoughts overpower my overall energy. I become, sad and withdrawn.

I know he loves me and im his world so why can’t I shake this feeling... there’s been absolutely NO evidence so far to prove he’s flirting with her or she with him. I just don’t trust her, and I’m scared he’ll get bored with me if he constantly keeps seeing that his friends are this certain way but I’m not.

white knight · ‎26-09-2019

Hi, welcome

I can understand your concern...even jealousy. If I can understand it, why isnt he understanding it?. As your partner it is his obligation to ensure you feel comfortable in any friendship or business dealings with other people. Where this gets murky is that she is alone when in town and the intra gram posts.

Look some might say there is no need to be alarmed. So the topic is subjective.

Finally, it isnt whether you trust her or not but whether you trust your husband. Some people resort to a private investigator to get clarification. Sad but it is sometimes needed.

TonyWK

romantic_thi3f · ‎27-09-2019

Hi Smurd1993,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for joining us - and congratulations on your pregnancy!

I'm not sure how much reassurance I can provide since I genuinely don't know, but what I do know is that I can understand the fear and uncertainty in feeling like he would be cheating on you. I'm actually wondering if it feels more intense simply because of her own Instagram. If this girl had an Instagram full of dog pictures or pictures of cake, do you think it would get those same reactions from you? Would your husbands behaviour still feel just as 'suss'?

One of the other things that comes to mind is that after a wedding and during a pregnancy, it can often feel like a plateau; there doesn't feel like there's as much passion or intimacy, and it can often feel like there's not a spark anymore. I'm not sure if this is how you feel too, but given you said that you feel boring and like old news - it may be part of it. This is actually normal though for most couples, and honestly it'd be rare to find a couple that can stay in that honeymoon stage for long. Just because it's dived down doesn't mean it won't go back up again; it's often talked about as the ebb and flow.

I am not sure if any of this is helpful or comforting to you but hopefully it gives you something to think about.

RT

Smurd1993 · ‎27-09-2019

Thanks so much for your reply,

you made me laugh, simply because I know I absolutely know I wouldn’t feel the same if her Instagram were photos of cakes hahah! Doesn’t that sound ridiculous. I guess like I feel like if he sees these photos constantly day in day out, he’s going to get bored of me. Like I’m not good enough.

Every relationship around me in my family has ended due to infidelity, and Its my biggest fear this is what will happen to me. Now I’m pregnant and it’s like, he’s still the same sexy man and could get anyone If he wanted, but who would go for a pregnant woman... it sounds stupid I know. But I can’t shake all these feelings

romantic_thi3f · ‎28-09-2019

Hi Smurd1993,

It's great to hear back from you and I'm glad that it made you laugh 🙂

Honestly I don't think it's ridiculous at all! Hearing that infidelity has been in your family even makes more sense as to why you would feel this way - is it those thoughts of 'it runs in the family (ha!)' or 'if it's happened to them it will happen to me too'?

I think it's important to remember that you're not just a pregnant woman, you are his pregnant woman, carrying his baby. You are still the beautiful person that he fell in love with, and that hasn't changed just because your body is making room for a baby! Everyone that I've ever known who was pregnant has a drop in their self-esteem, and I can guarantee you the girl on IG probably would too - switching very quickly from G-Strings to maternity underwear and cute lingerie to bras that are just plain comfy!

I think working to shake those feelings is probably like trying not to think of the colour pink, but I wonder if instead you could just work on accepting them as they are and being kind to yourself so that those thoughts don't feel stupid and reminding yourself that you are good enough, just as you are.

RT