Really struggling at the moment

[Ovenroastedpickles]

Last weekend I had a panic attack for the first time in about 4 years and i'm struggling to deal with the lingering after effects.

After the panic attack occured I was in a state of high anxiety for 48 hours afterwards with it slowly reducing as time hascontinued. Its been a week now and i'm struggling with waves of anxiety, racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts, boughts of crying and disassociation.

I have been to see my doctor and we're going to put me on a mental health plan and probably look at medication.

I've dealt with anxiety and depression since I was a teenager and have always been able to self manage and cope. I have spent many sleepless nights learning new coping strategies and practicing putting them in place. They work pretty well most of the time for mild symptoms.

This last weekend was the worst i've ever experienced and none of my usual methods were helping at all. I got desperate to the point where I ended up having medication to help calm the physical and mental symptoms. Sad to say this did nothing to aleviate any of my anxiety surprisingly.

I am feeling much better today then I have recently but the thing I'm really struggling with is the disassociation and withdrawal/isolation.

My partner is the most amazing person in the world. Despite him going through the death of a family member he's been there to comfort me through this whole episode but it's making me feel worse. I can even muster up the strength to even try at the moment. I love him so much but at the moment I cant find anything under the heavy blanket of fog I feel right now.

We have been together for almost two years and this is the first time he's experienced me this way, though I have been honest about my struggles in the past.

My defence mechanism when I feel this way is just to withdraw from life until I feel well enough to start reintergrating but I've never had to do this when I have someone who loves and cares about me. I feel like i'm bringing him down and if I dont snap out of it soon he's either going to get super sad or mad 😞

Not really sure what I want from this post but writing helps.

Thanks for listening ❤️

[smallwolf]

Ovenroastedpickles,

Hi and welcome to beyond blue. I am glad that you found writing here helps; get those thoughts out of your head onto paper?

I know that feeling of wanting to withdraw from life until you feel better. Had that experience recently where I bailed on 2 events because of depression/anxiety. But when I raised this situation with my psych, she said that I should have gone through with both events because they would have acted as distractions. It is hard to flick that switch to do the opposite.

On the coping strategies... do you have anything physical to use? A lot of my coping strategies have been virtual. But I also use rosary/worry beads. Something that I can touch, feel, and repeat some mantra over and over.

Finally, if you decide to stick around, you will find the people here are very helpful and supportive and will walk with you on this journey.

Tim

PS. The fog will clear. Your husband cares. My wife tells me to take the journey with my psych and not to over analyse things. Hard? Yes.

PPS. I know that you probably do this already, but communication is key. I constantly talk about this with my psych in relation to my own issues.

[Ovenroastedpickles]

Hi Tim,

Thankyou so much for your reply.

I have been doing a ton of writing. Both for my own personal thoughts and seeking advice through forums. It definitely helps.

I know withdrawing is not the answer but both social events I forced myself to attend have not distracted from my mind and I felt like a heavy rock dragging the vibes down even though my friends are amazing and understand. I felt worse after leaving these events and wish I'd just stayed home.

I used to see a psych many years ago and have been given a referal to see another. I will make an appointment tomorrow but there's likely going to be a waiting period before I can get in so for now just being able to vent to the internet helps 🙂

[smallwolf]

Ovenroastedpickles,

On social events and withdrawing... I know that staying at home seems preferable. For me however, the thoughts continue then if I stay at home and let the thoughts eat me up. Do you get to talk much with your friends about what you are going through?

Hopefully you will feel a little better once you have made that appointment tomorrow, and the wait list won't be too long. And in the meantime you, please continue to write here if it makes you feel better.

Tim