Parenting with social anxiety

[Lone]

Hi,

i am a mum of a 6 year old with social anxiety. I am having trouble dealing with social aspects of parenting, play dates and parties and socialising with other parents. It is so bad that I often cancel engagements or withdraw as I have to talk to other parents. I am so sad that I am making my daughter suffer because of me. I don't know what to do. Should I tell the other parents of my daughters friends. I am sure they think I am weird or strange anyway.

[PamelaR]

Hello Lone

Welcome to Beyond Blue (BB) forums. People who post here are supportive and caring, and over time you will most likely receive a number of responses.

I feel for you. Social anxiety can be the pits at times. I'm one to often run away social events or not go, just because!

Do you have a partner? Are they able to step in to take your 6 year old to events?

You ask the question - Should I tell the other parents of my daughters friends? And you answer - I am sure they think I am weird or strange anyway.

It's difficult hey. Took me a long time to reveal to others that I had anxiety issues. Would you believe they were all very supportive! They made me feel okay. It's a risk you take, disclosing. Not easy and I always feel terrible after revealing.

Lone - can I ask you what you think is normal? You say they will think you weird or strange. There are so many people out there who do not fit the 'norm' of what we're brought up to believe.

In addition to your questions, you might like some tips on managing anxiety.

There's are a range of material available on the BB home page under the facts tab.

Learn some breathing techniques to breath through your anxiety. Slow down the in and out breath, focus on your breathe going in through your nose, into your lungs and diaphragm, then out through your mouth. I use a count of 4 or more for the in and out.

Do some grounding. Have a look at the grounding and mindfulness threads here on BB forums under staying well.

You sound like an excellent mum and you expect yourself to be perfect. Welcome to our world. We're not perfect, we do what we can, with the knowledge, experience and skills we have.

Be kind to yourself Lone.

Let us know how you get on.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[MissLJ]

I was about to start a whole new post until I stumbled on this post and it helped me big time.I'm bagful of issues, anxiety is just one of them. I am a mum to a gorgeous almost 4yo. I experience anxiety when there is the notion of me leaving her or her going out without me (date with her dad); it can even come about during new experiences with her (she started swimming lessons a few weeks back) and to help we attended the open day. My daughter is slow to warm up and engage always has been she is cautious which Idon't see as a bad thing. Things are improving with kinder drop off, she doesnt cry like she used to but she whines as I leave. I started seeing a psychologist two weeks ago because i felt like i was doing something wrong. Psychologist has me doing some acceptance and committment therapy and I'm reading the Happiness Trap. On top of that I am adopted and therefore have abandonment and self confidence issues. I love my life and my family; but I alsodon't want my issues to become my daughter's issues. Her kinder have no concerns about her behaviour and neither do the maternal health nurses. My anxiety tends to raise itself around new social experiences and family gatherings because my mum is quite direct and thinks my daughter's behaviour is not normal (she has no maternal instinct whatsoever and very rarely spends time wigh her granddaughter- she has always been like this). We are hosting a meal for easter and i am highly anxious about my mum because she is blunt as and comments about nearly everything me and my partner do. I have tried to explain this to her and she said my issues with my daughter are because I'm adopted and i have abandonment issues anddoesn't really want to improve things with her granddaughter. I love my mum but I'm 38 and a mum myself, i appreciate their advice but i just wish she would offer help with her opinion or keep it to herself.I'm not perfect and dont claim to be. But my mum gets to me all the time she makes me doubt myself and I'm so over it. I just want to let her comments wash over me but i find they only feed my anxiety. Sorry a bit of a post all over the place but I appreciate the post and opportunity to connect.

[PamelaR]

Thank you Miss LJ and welcome to BB forums.

Yes, this would be a good thread to follow for parenting with social anxiety. I expect there is quite a lot of that amongst parents.

So it would be good to get this thread underway with experiences from parents about how they have managed their social anxiety. That is:

• What have you and/or Lone done to help decrease your social anxiety? E.g. coming to BB forums is a good start. Well done to you both.
• Have you been to your GP and/or counsellor? They can help by identifying or confirming it is social anxiety, whether you need to see a counsellor or any other assistance for you.

I'd like to encourage parents with similar experiences to provide some input about how they manage their social anxiety.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[MissLJ]

Thanks for your reply PamelaR.

I am seeing a psychologist for assistance, i journal as well. My parents didn't end up celebrating easter with us as my mum was unwell- it eased my tension big time to be honest just not havin g that pressure was amazing but its me who places that pressure, pressure to please (lack of self esteem, abandonment issues from being adopted) my parents (not sure why) as I've come to realise I'll never fully live up to their expectations and I need to accept that and just stop trying because at the end of the day i should be the one going to bed at night self satisfied. These forums are amazing i have to say! Self relection is amazing!!

[PamelaR]

MissLJ

Yes, self reflection is really good. I first learnt about it while studying at uni. It helped me grow tremendously and to better understand myself and this subsequently helps me understand others.

Very pleased to hear you are seeing a psychologist and journaling - all good things. Just remember it takes time. And frequently, when I think all is done I go on in okay mode for 6-12 months and then bang, I'm triggered again. So off to the psych again. But it all helps.

Keep up the good work - just remember to be kind to yourself. That is very important.

Kind regards

PamelaR