Panic attacks and reassurance

[Birdy3]

During a panic attack, I understand that people are by my side to help, and that there are ways to deal with anxiety; during a panic attack however, I feel worse symptoms when I’m with someone. This causes me to become distant which in turn causes more harm for both myself and others involved. Why is it when being assisted, a panic attack gets worse? Or is more likely to occur when around a person or more.

[jess334]

Hi Birdy3,

Thanks for posting about this. It is a really important thing to tall about, especially with people in your life who support you.

I am exactly the same, if I am having a panic attack I feel 'safest' when I am on my own. I think this is probably because I am worried about how other people will judge me or if they will push me further outside my comfort zone. I also hate to be touched when I am anxious. Its also normal to stop communicating while you are anxious. Simply because our brain cannot panic and talk rationally at the same time!

I have a long term partner, and it took us a while to find a way for him to support me without touching or expecting me to have a conversation about it. It was one of the biggest challenges when we moved in together.

But now that he understands what I need during a panic attack (basically alone time) he doesn't get upset or take it personally.

I hope it helps to know you are not alone and that what you are describing is really normal for someone with anxiety.

[Guest8901]

Hi Birdy .. Sorry you deal with the distressing symptoms of panic attacks. I do too, so I can sympathise.

Panic attacks are awful and very unpredictable. You're unable to control where or when they occur. Panic sends large amounts of adrenaline all over our body and causes symptoms such as a racing heart, shaking, shivering, numbness, breathlessness and sometimes vomiting or diarhhoea. We all react a little different, so you may have some of these, and not others. Or you may be like me and get the lot.

I think it must be very difficult for people trying to assist someone having a panic attack. They dont always know whats going on, and they would naturally feel helpless and afraid for you. I'm not sure if you are referring to people whom you know quite well, or strangers in the street or at work for example who may not know that you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks? I am thinking you are probably talking about people you know, so will advise with that in mind. If you can find a suitable time to discuss this with your friends or family (when not having a panic attack!) it could prove helpful for them for when you are having a panic attack in future. Here are few things you can suggest they do NOT say:

1. "You have nothing to panic about!" Yeah .. we know that. Panic attacks are usually not rational. To be told you have nothing to panic about is very unhelpful and can cause further panic. Ask your friends to try to reassure you and say something along the lines of: “I can see that you’re upset, and its okay. You have every right to be upset but I'm here for you and want to help.”

2. "Stop it" or "Calm down"! This is not helpful in the midst of a panic attack. Of course we would stop or calm them down if we could. A better alternative would be to ask friends just to listen and support. Have them try to calm you and help ground you. Something repetitious I find helps - eg counting backwards, naming things around you.

3. "You're overreacting"! It may seem that way to others, but not to us. It may be in our head, but it is very real and we are actually in physical pain. It’s common that the experience of someone with anxiety or panic is diminished as there’s no visible physical ailment or discernible reason for such a strong fear reaction. However a panic attack should be treated like any other medical emergency. Listen to what the person is saying, talk to them, get them water. If they’re still concerned have them call 000.

Hope this helps.

Amanda

[Birdy77]

Hello Birdy 😊

You are definitely not alone here as you can see.

Amanda's post reminded me of something I saw the other day:

Never, in the history of calming-down, has anybody calmed down by being told to "calm down".

Both Jess and Amanda have given great advice to talk to your loved ones when you are calm, about what does and doesn't help you when you have a panic attack. That way they can support you without making it worse.

🌻birdy

[Doolhof]

Hi Birdy3 and All,

There has been a wonderful discussion here about panic attacks. I have learnt a lot! Thanks. I had not really acknowledged or understood how severe and frequent my panic attacks are until this year!

My dear husband doesn't understand and just asks me "What is wrong with you now?" It makes me laugh when I think about it! He does try but has no real understanding of a panic attack.

I am a little different from what has been written here already, as when I am experiencing a panic attack I need to be around people as I am fearful of what I may do to myself or just downright fearful of the situation I am in and feel so overwhelmed.

Recently we were on a holiday. My husband was organising a tour and I suddenly became totally overwhelmed and could feel a panic attack about to happen. I approached a middle aged lady and her son and told them I needed to talk to them as I was having a panic attack.

The lady found me a seat and helped to calm me down through the ocean of tears I was crying and looked after me until my husband returned, holding my hand and reassuring me it was okay.

My husband asked his usual question wanting to know what was going on this time! The lady looked at me and asked if I was going to be okay.

I'm very grateful to that lady who assisted me and showed me such care, understanding and compassion!

Attending the Employment Company office tends to cause panic attacks as well! Maybe I need to drag some poor person off the street into those appointments with me!

Birdy3, others have given you ideas on how you can explain to those around you how they can help you. I hope you are able to do this!

Cheers all from Dools

[anxietyalien]

I haven't been reading properly here, which I am sorry about (finding it so hard to concentrate), but I have been having what I believe to be panic attacks in the past few days (worst one's i've had since December 2016). Normally, they are just those limited ones (where I find it hard to breathe also heart pounding like high blood pressure), but in the past few days since my poor little kitty passed, i've snapped and have been experiencing ALL the sensations, of my chest feeling like it is caving in, making it harder to breathe, hot flashes/waves of heat, stomach either really hungry or really nauseas (it's a combination of the two in one single sensation), severe shaking, discomfort as when all that happens, you're panicing that you're having trouble breathing and you're breathing heavily, sweating. It's absolutely horrible. Oh, I can't forget, my hands were tingling - almost like pins'n'needles, but a slightly numb feeling with electric tingling in my hands. So intense - I didn't know if I was having a heart attack or low blood sugar, or simply a panic attack. Yesterday was pretty good considering, just a lot of crying and pain with grief, but today, my chest started feeling like it was caving inwards again, making it harder to breathe. I have noticed that i experience this more when sitting (like when we were in the car, driving to the vet the other day). Maybe standing helps distract the mind? And maybe sitting, allows for the sensations to become more noticable? This all shocks me, causing my heart to pound faster/harder, and I get a hot flush as well (this hot weather doesn't help, as I am sensitive and need cooler temperatures to feel better).

Do you experience panic attacks like this at all? I'm hoping that mine may be health anxiety related, in combination with so much psychological trauma i've been experiencing lately (it all built up and hit me in one go, after he passed away - driving to the vet, just before arriving is when I felt symptoms - I thought breathing in all the farming smells, the manure smells and stuff hurt my lungs, but I think the stress of my poor little cat, started affecting me just before getting there to pick up his body...). Now i'm really sensitive, and in a panic mode. I am hoping it is just panic mode/panic attacks, as I don't want to actually have any health problems. What do you think?

[jess334]

Hi Anxiety alien,

I am sorry about your loss. It is so hard to say goodbye to pets, they really do become part of the family.

Grief can definitely make panic and anxiety worse. And when you are under such a huge amount of physical and mental stress.you can start to feel as though it is a health problem and not related to your mental health. The symptoms you describe definitely sound like major panic attacks.

Interestingly I also have more trouble regulating my breathing when I am sitting. I put it down to posture. I usually slump and that stops me from being able to take in a full breath. I always lie down when I start feeling anxious (if possible) so I can slow my breathing down.

Do have a psycologist or councillor that you can see / talk to? Grief can be a very difficult process and it helps to have someone to walk you through it. If you dont have anyone, your GP could refer you to someone as part of a mental health plan, which gives you 10 reduced fee sessions per calendar year.

Kind thoughts,

Jess

[anxietyalien]

Jess, thank you so much for your response. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. The pain of loss is so profound! With every loss, you'd imagine that with experience it would get easier, but I don't think so. It hurts more and more every time. I just didn't expect to lose my beautiful little companion so soon. Part of me thinks he knew before we did, and started saying goodbye in the few days leading up to his ultrasound and then the surgery that stopped his heart. I just wish I knew so that I could say goodbye. This home is so empty feeling, without him. So uncomfortable and lost. I hope that time will help heal this.

Thank you for your insight. Posture is something for me to think about, also with how when i'm so anxious, my muscles in my abdomen do tense up. Maybe subconsiously, without my awareness, maybe my diaphragm is tight also causing pressure on my sternum, where the ribs meet in the middle, affecting my lungs? It only seems to happen in waves as well, as usually I can sit just fine - i've had trouble in the past with breathing and panic, and I am just hoping that what I am experiencing now and in the past 4 days, are just unexpected attacks of panic, out of the blue but brought on by such intense grief and mental pain (as opposed to a stress induced heart attack or pulmonary hypertension). It is physically exhausting, and having health anxiety, it makes me worry that my health is in danger. Trying to reassure myself that I should be alright, as my gp was saying back in April/May that I am young and have age on my side (this was in relation to stomach gastritis/IBS I was experiencing, which is scary as i'm 26, skinny, tall and only 57kg's, so I don't want to be losing any weight).

I don't really have anyone professional to talk to, as I just feel so anxious about talking to my GP (I only ever go there with my Mum by my side) - but do have my Mum & Dad to talk to, which I am so grateful for. I would seriously need to be admitted to a mental health facility, I think, if I ever lost one of my parents (the panic would potentially be at their strongest). I actually used to talk to my cat, he really helped me with the lonliness, but the cruelty of life has taken his precious life-filled body away from me. I'm very lonely, Jess. Wonderful people like you, are my only real connection to the outside world without having to go through the physical stress of actual human interaction. And I really appreciate that. I am scared - but I am trying my best.

[anxietyalien]

I do feel bad about hijacking this thread, as it isn't my own, but I hope that my being here is helpful to the original poster - reassurance with panic attacks I hope is relevant here. It'ds just so hard to distinguish sensations between real health danger (heart problem), and fake health danger (mental disorder). When paired with health anxiety, you've got a really difficult thing to work with in life - and doing it alone, I believe, is next to impossible.

[jess334]

Hi Anxiety Alien,

It's so hard when you don't get to say goodbye. I lost my dog earlier this year and I felt the same loneliness. I used to talk to him too.

Your GP is right that you are young and it is highly unlikely that you are having heart problems. However that doesn't seem to mean much to us who have health anxiety - because we can always picture the worst case scenario! There are a lot of other people on these forums with health anxiety too.

It's great that you have your mum and dad to talk to. Plus these forums can be a great place for additional help or a chat.

Don't feel guilty for posting on a thread someone else started, threads evolve in different ways all the time.

Kind thoughts, Jess