Not knowing

[Bren_]

Hey guys

december last year my ex and I broke up, I felt like a needed space. Until now we have been hanging out here and there when we broke up she said will we ever be together I said anything is possible. I had no clarity in the relationship being a young idiot I didn’t realise what I had till I had nothing.

we had dinner a while back and mid meal I realised I’d been searching for the girl sitting in front of me I’ve never been good with emotions but I felt this time it was real love again. I opened up to her giving her everything I felt for her. She said she likes being alone and doesn’t have the love for me like she used too. This tore me to shreds. We were good friends after the breakup and I thought there might of been something still there to try.

she still replies too my texts and keeps saying she isn’t ready for love again. But every time I ask or open up she pushes me away further i asked the question if she thinks there is a chance for us in the future the only thing she says is I don’t know and she doesn’t know.

I’ve spoken to her friends and they have said she still loves me on multiple occasions.

Im just wondering why she keeps pushing me away when I want to be there for her, I’m crazy about this girl and have fallen head over heels for her again. But she doesn’t feel the same way.

The anxiety of the maybe is killing me and light of which to what maybe.

cheers guys

[Croix]

Dear Bren~

I'm sorry you are stuck in this way, loving someone and not having it returned is a horrible way to be. As you say uncertainly makes it worse.

I can see a couple of possibilities straight away.

I guess the first thing is that relationships need several things to be successful and long term. One of those things is trust. Trust to feel the other person will always be there for you and want to care for you and look after you.

I'm sorry to be blunt but by breaking off you put a big dent in trust. After all if you could do it once there is always the possibility you might do it again. One of the hard things about this sort of situation is that mere words and explanations are not enough to fix things.

The friends may well be right, she may have affection for you , but if the hurt of the separation was too bad she is not going to be in a hurry, if ever, to get back together again.

Another thing unfortunately you may have to consider is that she simply does not have the regard for you she once did. Being on her own may have made her change her mind about the relationship.

I obviously don't know the facts of the matter, these are guesses.

I do know that pressing is not going to be the answer, in fact the more you press and demand answers the more likely you will be to drive her away.

The only advice I can give is to simply try to be a friend and see what develops

Croix

[PamelaR]

Hello Bren

Welcome to Beyond Blue forums. Croix has provided you with some very sound, caring and supportive advice. I have little to add other than my own experience.

Having someone break off a relationship is rather hard at the best of times. It often can show a lack of regard and commitment to the other person. It may mean the other person has been terribly hurt and may want to rebuild the trust that has been broken. That can happen if one is willing to show their commitment, respect and trust.

On the other hand, the person may have decided that there are other qualities she wants in a relationship.

As Croix said, try to be a friend and see what develops.

Kind regards

PamelaR