New to panic disorder

[Mumof02]

Hi I'm a mum of two, separated from husband and have been seeing my new partner for almost 2 years. Almost every time we have a controversial arguement a panic attack is triggered. In my past relationship I never caught or dealt with problems, and growing up with a single mum I never witnessed anything of the sort, now with my partner I feel under attack by him and I panic for no reason at all... I can't breathe.. Feel nauseous... Like my world is caving in... It's almost euphoric. I'm terribly embarrassed by these outbursts and when they happen again.. I panic for the fact I'm panicking ... It seems to get worse everytime and I'm at a point I'm scared I may hurt myself physically.

i know this must stem from my up bringing, my whole life my mother ran from all her problems. We jumped from school to school and I never observed how to sit and deal with it. Instead... I run too. We argue and flight mode kicks in... I instantly want to run to avoid dealing. Then when my partner forces me to stay.. I panic. Does anyone else on here relate? Does anyone else feel like a failure because of these attacks

[simmobc]

Hi, 

I know what you mean.. It isn't an excuse however, I come from a family that also doesn't properly deal with issues, especially emotional ones. I'd rather bury the emotional issue deep within my brain rather than dealing and resolving it. One of the results of this for me, is periodic anxiety episodes. I had one this morning in a meeting where I felt as though i was being constricted and was unable to talk, not a great feeling but managed to scrape through without anybody (I think!) noticing.

So, I can certainly relate. I'm 36, separated and have no children. Are you also a worrier? I'll always worry about something whether it be health, finance or something else Whenever I have an anxiety attack I try and challenge the feelings I feel as best I can which is quite hard but I'm sure I'll get there.

In any case, anxiety effects everyone differently and I've had every possible symptom at some time or another.

You are not alone and there are LOTS of people out there like you.

[Mumof02]

Thank you for the reply.

i know it's no excuse, and you're absolutely right I am a worrier. I feel almost constantly stressed with worry to be honest. I've recently sold my home, moved out of a rental, into my partners parents house (as our new home is being built, with his very European parents)) I study chemistry and biology at university and I really think all these recent stresses combined with my fear of panic attacks ... Is actually causing panic attacks. 

Just when you think you're in control... A relapse occures and you feel like you have taken 2 steps back. I must say... Writing my thoughts down is really therapeutic. I've never spoken of my problems before. Just bottled them up. Thank you for listening

[simmobc]

ughhh the human brain is a powerful thing - you should be well equipped to deal with anxiety given you are studying chemistry and biology! 

Prolonged stress does get on top of you, I guess something has to give and anxiety is the result. I've always struggled to rationalise things in my mind but I am getting better and better which is a good result for me. Atleast we have both realised that bottling things up doesn't work for us as individuals.

I've read that when you are having an anxiety attack your breathing changes and then when you notice you start to panic even more - this is what happened to me this morning.

I find exercise and music helps me deal with stress, I hope you are also able to find your little comfort'ers.