My Life Is In A Holding Pattern

[Miss_Understood]

Hi,

I've been feeling like my life is in a holding pattern for the past three years.  I have bounced from numerous jobs not because I wanted to leave but due to either being on contract or the place of employ are downsizing.  A couple of jobs I've been let go from the explanation was not suitable for the role, what does that mean really!  I have a real self-confidence issue thinking that no matter how hard I try in a position it will never been good enough.

I am currently out of work from my most recent position which was casual with the owner saying that she over-extended financially and she would manage by herself.  Lets not forget that she got someone else to work for her and is paying them cash-in-hand.  I would have accepted the same terms too if asked.  Deep down I think she wasn't honest with me about the work I was performing.  I thought I was doing a great job, always turning up promptly for my shifts and doing the tasks that were asked of me.

I am also studying a Diploma of Business Admin which I am anxious about because some of the modules I am finding hard and I'm starting to doubt my capacity to be able to complete the assignments required.  I want to get it finished and not wanting it hanging over my head.  In doing so I am always anxious thinking I won't get this finished in the allotted time which I have got for this course.  I also not enjoying administration work anymore finding it too difficult to perform certain aspects in the roles like finance or payroll which involves money and maths.  I can't handle stress or being accountable for anyone else besides myself.

My last role which I was casual which I talked about previously was working with animals at a pet boarding centre.  I would like to work with animals but these days you have to have certificates or diplomas to get a position.  Once again this ties back to the title of this post, my life is in a holding pattern.  I feel like I can't move towards happiness and my dream job of working with animals until I finish the Diploma of Business Admin which is causing me great anguish.  I need to be doing a certificate in animal studies and even then that doesn't guarantee me a job.  I would like to work doing something that I love, which my husband and other friends of mine are doing.  I have been unhappy for so long and would like to have something nice for once for me.

I sit at home now trying to work on finishing my diploma modules and worrying about how I am going to pay my bills with me being out of work yet again and feeling like a complete failure.  My husband has just called to say that he has won an award again at his workplace which I am happy for him but it also feels like rubbing salt into my wound.

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[JessF]

Hello Miss Understood, some of us take years before working out what we want to do in life, only to have the goalposts shift later on when life or other circumstances change. Rather than feeling like you're a failure or have been wasting your time, perhaps you can think back on this time recently as being one that has helped you clarify what you want versus what you don't want: business admin doesn't sound like it is something that lights your fire, but working with animals does. 

Yes, you will need a qualification to pursue that career and there will be no guarantee of work, but there is no guarantee of anything in life... this might seem like a bizarre comparison, but if you think about the first astronauts that went to the moon, there was no guarantee they were going to even make it there alive but in order to have a chance of achieving their goal they had to first get on board the rocket. 

Perhaps knuckling down and gritting your teeth and finishing off your diploma of business admin may be a good idea if you are so close to the end of it; any work you need to get in the meantime will just be to pay the bills and you don't have to be achieving anything other than getting money in the bank, because you will be working towards your real goal which is working with animals.  That business diploma could be very helpful for you in the future still if you want to run your own business involving animals, so it's not a waste of time either, it's all a learning curve.

I would talk to your husband about what you would like to do, and also your anxiety about feeling like a failure. I am sure he does not think this, and will be able to provide you with some reassurance and support as you move towards what you really want to do in life.  I love animals as well, I'm really excited for you!