Hi all. I am having some issues. I have had anxiety for almost my whole life but got officially diagnosed with it when I was 17. I am on medication for it, which has been great. It has really helped. Anyhoo, last year my partner of 8 years and I decided to start looking at buying a house. We have never officially lived together, I am technically still living at mums but spend nearly every night at his (he lives with his dad). We found one that he absolutely loves and I like. The thing is that I have been freaking out the past few days. I haven't been eating enough, I'm crying all the time and feeling overwhelmed. My partner is very understanding and patient, however he made an offer on the house yesterday without me knowing (we had been discussing it) and it was accepted, however I told him that I didn't think I was ready to leave mums house, he is definitely ready to leave his dad's house. They aren't close like I am with my mum. His mum passed away nearly 4 years ago and since then he hasn't felt comfortable in the house. We had also discussed putting it in his name, but I didn't realise that he had thought we had decided. I don't want to be the reason he doesn't go for this house (he has saved the entire deposit) but I am seriously freaking out. I ended up having a full blown panic attack last night and throwing up. I haven't had one as bad as that in years and I know that I scared him. He also felt useless as he didn't think that he was any help to me (he did try). I really don't know what to do. I feel bad because I would like to stay with mum, but he hasn't got his mum (who was his biggest support) and at the moment I haven't been able to support him. He has worked extremely hard to save this money up and I am so proud of him, but when it comes down to it I don't think that I am ready. There is so much pressure to be excited about this step, and I know that being 26 I am staying in the nest longer than most, but all I feel is scared and upset. I am a very maternal person and have been bugging him for years about kids, but it's gotten to the point where I don't even feel like I want them anymore. This is my home and my safe space and even though we will be about a 2 minute drive from mum, everytime I think about it I end up in tears. I am seriously freaking out. I don't know what to do. I am also scared because it seems so final. That my life is changing and I am not ready yet. I really need some help and advice.
