Moving out of home anxiety

[delbel]

So I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 18 months and we have discussed moving in together. This is something we both want. For context, we are 23/24 and he moved out at 19 due to moving cities for work/uni. I still live at home.

I have suffered from severe anxiety my whole life and take medication for it. Lately, it's been worse because I am scared to leave home. It's not to do with responsibility because I am an incredibly independent person and I have a stable job, pay most my bills myself and own my own car etc. I'm still at uni for another year or so doing my masters but thats not my concern.

I am very, very close with my mum. She is my best friend, the only person I can be myself around. Strange, I know but we are very very very similar.. almost identical. We hang out on a regular basis. I am scared of moving out because I'm scared of growing old (not up) and scared of leaving her behind. She lives alone after my parents divorce and I feel somewhat responsible for taking care of her. Mums not sick or anything, but she does have her own struggles as well. This feeling has been stronger since my older brother moved out. I'm not sure if this is normal, and I need someone other than my boyfriend and friends to provide some insight. I've been told I need to move out eventually and I know this, but I'm really struggling with it all. I know it is my anxiety taking control.

[Quercus]

Hi Delbel and welcome to the forums,

Moving out of home is a stressful change at the best of times let alone if you feel somewhat responsible to care for and protect your Mum.

I think sometimes it helps to remember a move or a change doesn't have to be permanent. You could trial it for 6 months or so and if the anxiety is too difficult return home and try again another time.

Or maybe move in with your boyfriend but go home once a week to stay the night and check in with your Mum.

Do you think any options like these would help reduce your anxiety?

Are you moving far away? I found it very upsetting to be 4 hours drive each way from my family. If the option is there for you to move to a suburb somewhat nearby this might be easier at the start.

It is easy to see your Mum as needing you, but maybe it will surprise you how well she adapts at having her own space as long as you're still finding time for her.

Have you spoken to your Mum about how you feel?

Nat

[kanga_brumby]

delbel welcome I don't know the full situation, about your home situation. But does your mother own her own home?

If so does it have a fairly large back yard if yes why not you and the boy friend Buy a granny flat and or get mum to help fund it you and the boy friend move in your still close to mum and you have your privacy with the boy friend. Alternatively you can build up a second level again close to mum and with the boyfriend. Moveable homes are the go as well. Small can be parked almost any where. bed lounge shower kitchen all in one or two rooms stuff all room though.

Peter

[Summer Rose]

Hi delbel

I am literally the flip side of your coin.

My daughter fell ill at age 13 with anxiety and OCD and I was her support person, still am. We are very close and spend a lot of time together. She is now 20, at uni, and wants to move out next year. Like you, my daughter is worried about leaving me behind.

I can't lie, I want her home with me. But I want her to move out more. It's an important part of growing up. It will be good for her development. And I am so very proud of her independence and strength. I would never want to hold her back in life. Our relationship will change but I see this as a normal progression, reflecting the natural order of life.

I think it really might help for you to talk to mum and let her know how you feel and see how she feels about the change. You just might get some relief from your worries.

Let us know how you get on