Lost at Sea.

[Zephyr478]

I have been dealing with anxiety and panic disorder for 30+ years. CBT has helped me to navigate my way. Yet, last September, I lost my beautiful Mother. She was my lighthouse. The one who would steer me away from the rocky shores. Without her guidance, I am flailing, my grief a riptide. Can any fellow seafarers out there send me a beacon….?

[indigo22]

Hi Zephyr478,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

I'm so sorry for your loss, parents are hard to let go of because of the bonds we have. It sounds like your mother was a special lady who knew you well and knew what you needed at any given time.

Your period of grief is still in it's early stage after a few months, so it is quite understandable you are still struggling with the loss. I love that you use the ocean to describe your feelings, it is so apt and your descriptions make those feelings quite visual. I often talk about riding the waves of grief in the forums.

Can I suggest that you have had the wise guidance of a kind soul for a long time, now it is your time to discover what that wisdom has taught you. Fighting the waves is only going to exhaust you. When you are lost at sea, you need to keep yourself afloat in whatever way you can.

So perhaps when faced with a situation you don't know how to handle, and you find yourself heading towards the rocks, find your calm space within and ask yourself what your mother would have said in a situation like this. Imagine her words and her voice and allow her wisdom to continue by using the lessons she taught you when you were heading for the rocks in the past. Just because she is no longer physically present, does not mean she is not looking out for you still.

Please feel free to continue this conversation whenever you wish, we will be here for you.

Trust in yourself, you've got this.

indigo

[Zephyr478]

Hey Indigo22

Thanks for your uplifting words of support.

The sentiments expressed helped me to reframe things.

Its nice to think of my mother as now part of a cosmic constellation watching over me.

My mother was a gifted empath. When I was spiraling she would truely listen to me. This act alone magically calmed the  turbulent waters of my mind.  

Throughout her life, my mother was a person who would talk to herself out loud. She said that it helped her process her thoughts. Now that she is gone, I find myself doing that. In a way it does help me to get the thoughts out of my head. Especially at 3.00am when I am awake, overthinking.

I am grateful that these forums provide a safe space for dialogue. Sometimes, just expressing yourself to others who understand the place that you are in is “enough “ to replenish your spirits for a while.

Thanks for “listening “

[indigo22]

Hi Zephyr478,

I am glad to hear you have been able to reframe some of your thoughts. I suspect that you have inherited many of your mum's empathic abilities which is why this feels so difficult. It is truly special to feel heard and I have no doubt that she is still listening, just try to listen for her response that will pop into your mind in words, images or perhaps an appropriate song. She will find a way.

Talking to yourself out load is a great way to process thoughts and emotions, as is journaling, nothing is more frustrating and depleting than thoughts that circle around without end.

I have been through the grieving process many times, so I do understand and will be here to listen whenever you feel the need to talk.

Thinking of you with care,

indigo