Lost a friend and feeling alone

Roobot · ‎05-09-2018

So I've had a few minor panic attacks lately but seem to be learning to head them off before they go anywhere.

Today in the supermarket I wasn't feeling the best, I saw a person who I used to be great friends with and tried to have a chat but got brushed off. She never spoke to me much after I got diagnosed with epilepsy.

Then I saw another friend. I complained at her last week that her kid messed up my kids room, thinking she'd take it OK. My kid has OCD anxiety and he doesn't like people moving his stuff. She took it so hard that she says she's not visiting me again. I tried to explain how I only have a limited amount of energy and it's usually gone by midday. I just can't be tidying all day or I'll make myself ill. I have 3 kids off my own to tidy up after. Anyway she totally didn't get it. She said if my kids messed up her house she'd just leave it.

Anyway I'm really upset. I've lost a friend who I thought understood me and my child. But I'm alone. We are alone. My son and I. I'm sad he's lost a little friend too.

JessF · ‎05-09-2018

Hello Roobot, confrontation is stressful isn't it? When we have to tell a good friend or a loved one that we aren't happy with how they've behaved, or something they've said. We're hurt, and we want to be heard, and it doesn't sound like you feel you were heard this time.

I'm wondering how you might go about things in the future in managing visits. With the best will in the world, children are going to be messy and there will be cleaning up to do when you have them round. Perhaps you can limit play to certain areas, and not have the kids go in your son's room if that is going to cause problems. Or perhaps, if you have your hands full with 3 then perhaps only having visits when the other children are visting their friends so you're not having to manage a whole housefull. We all have different levels of tolerance of what we will put up with, and what we won't, and when it comes to kids and parenting we all have different styles too. We also naturally stick up for our brood when criticised, so perhaps try not to take this too personally.

Good on you for getting on top of your panic attacks. It's not easy keeping things under control when you can feel the anxiety rising.

Roobot · ‎05-09-2018

Just to be clear, the kid totally trashed my sons room. Opened the cupboard and pulled out every single toy. Also went into my other sons room without permission and pulled out toys. (the door was closed he's been told before not to go in there). They then left. I walked in and yelled at my son to tidy up and he got upset that he'd not done it. Now I feel like a bad mum.

I tried to say it in an offhand way as if it didn't matter too much to me but she jumped on it straight away.

Oh well. I guess my son is destined to have a hard time making friends.

JessF · ‎05-09-2018

Hello Roobot, that does paint a different picture than your last post. It sounds to me like this is a child that not many of us would want round at our houses, and that this particular mum might be defensive about that behaviour because it is not the first time she has heard it (if it's happened once it has likely happened other times too). Perhaps having them not be friends with you and your son is a blessing in disguise?

Roobot · ‎06-09-2018

The story is long but she was still my friend and my friends are precious to me.

I actually apologised to her in the supermarket but she's done with me. Over one comment. That I thought she would understand.

I'm sad and hurt and it's sad and hurt on top of anxiety and my sons issues and it's all piling up and it's too heavy for me

Roobot · ‎12-09-2018

Just a rant...

Why isn't it OK to mention that my son was sad that her kid made a mess?

Why can't she just make a token effort to throw a couple of toys in a box and get her child to do the same. That would have made me feel better.

Why didn't she apologise when I did and make it all go away?

Why is her response to broken toys, "oh"

Why do I care? My husband says, 'good, the kids a turd anyway'

Today I have a headache and I'm feeling sorry for myself.