Lonely

[Von is lost]

Recently I’ve been feeling really sad and lonely when I’m alone. I feel sad about how few friends I have, how that there must be something wrong with me because I can’t make more friends and can’t find a healthy, reciprocal relationship/boyfriend. I compare myself to every other girl seeing them as really fun to be around and interesting, and that I have no personality and no fun traits.

I can’t seem to stop anxious thoughts about the future that I’ll never find anyone and continue to be lonely for a long long time. Even when my housemates are out and I’m at home alone, I always find myself crying and feeling so lonely that I don’t have friends/boyfriend to see like they have.

[Rosalba]

I feel much the same as Von.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Von is lost,

Could you imagine a world where every girl was bubbly and fun all the time, or where every guy was some knight in shining armour with chiselled facial features? One word - ick!

Just as there are as many colours in the rainbow, we all have our unique qualities and attributes that are equally attractive to others for the same reason. Advertising singles out one quality which corrupts the senses into believing this is what we all must pursue - and there is advertising everywhere we turn.

Sadly, it's those negative thoughts we have by comparing ourselves to others that may be keeping us from actually realising and releasing our inner beauty for all the world to see. These inner qualities are the key, not the veneer.

Be yourself and love who you are - doors will open...

Regards,

t.

[Suzie29]

Hi Von is lost,

Sorry to hear you have been feeling this way. When I'm feeling lonely I find it helpful to talk to someone. From experience I highly recommend https://efriend.org.au/ and https://beingsupported.org.au/ the staff are kind and listen without judging. They are peer support workers so they understand what you are going through.

[posvibe]

Hi Von is lost,

I totally agree with tranzcrybe!

I would also just add that when I feel anxious about the future I remind myself that I simply cannot predict what is going to happen and therefore just to then take it day by day. If you stress out about whats going to happen in a year from now, then your day today is going to be full of unwanted feelings.

I would also urge you to trust in the nature of time and that a lot can happen in such a short amount of it- I am sure you will find what you desire in the very near future.

Good luck with everything, be excited about future- everything will work out.

[Gabriellek]

I feel so much the same. I’ve given up on friends and relationships because they always go wrong. I have a disabled son and always fee like I’m doing the wrong thing or not doing enough. I’m in the middle of a divorce and sending my ex to jail. No one ever said life was easy but it would sure help if it was easier and if people were kinder and more loving and honest.

[Yoges]

I could really feel the words and gave me great comfort and feelings of hope and it’s wonderful to identify. Reaching out and feeling worthy makes me feel I’m not so alone

[Guest_0753]

Hello Von is lost,

Oh wow, this is exactly how I have been feeling lately 🙂 Since I have been struggling with socialising, opening up, taking initiative with people for quite a long time, it does make me feel lonely and unconfident at the end of the day, bursting into tears at times, thinking that I have no friends to turn too, no one is interested, no boyfriend which gets me down the most and then I get that negative thought of there is something wrong with me or I am too shy, not attractive enough that the guy never asks. I am also someone that when something bothers me, I can't tell anyone, so they simply don't know. Even I feel like I can become anxious about what the future holds before it has even happened.

I would love to hear how other people try to combat this feeling too because as a young person I would like to start opening up and meeting new people.

I will be honest I don't care so much on what other girls look like, there physical characteristics do not bother me. I try to understand myself more and the fact I have insecurities and there will be people out there that will be interested in me/you and my/your unique personality and if not, don't worry about those people like they have not bothered about you. This is something, I'll admit I am learning. To not give those people the time of day that aren't interested. I find journaling is a very therapeutic way to get out my thoughts when I get like this. I enjoy writing. You could try it while you eat a yummy snack to cheer yourself up 🙂

Good luck 🙂

[Bananie1234]

Hi von is lost,

Coming across your thread. you’ve literally described my life for the past few years.

everybody seems to have more friends, busier and have better relationships than me. i used to feel so lonely when everybody is out and I’m alone at home. I can feel myself finding it harder and harder to take the initiative because I just feel everybody is unavailable and i feel rejected when they say no.

I’ve struggled with relationships a lot in the past as well and I’m finally in a relationship that I’m happy with, but because of covid border closures, we haven’t seen each other for 7 months as he’s an expat working overseas. I’m full of resentment when i see everyone else with their partners (and they never struggled like i did in the past)

how I’ve coped with this feeling was to see this as a challenge. That if i get through this, ill be stronger and more independent than everyone else.

I can’t rely on others on my happiness. I think the best way to start is to learn to appreciate alone time. Find something that you’d enjoy doing alone. Eg go for a walk/hike, read a book or watch netflix (whether at home or at a cafe- it really helps) or even join some club. Ive find that joining some club , eg art, hikes, any sort of club really helped my anxiety and loneliness.

i also think some self exploring would help. I think we’re like this because we are not backing ourselves up which is why we are so negative. we tend to believe that there’s something in us that makes us less interesting + comparing ourselves to others. For me, i find listening to self help podcasts or read self help books, really helped a lot. It really helps you understand yourself as well.

i still struggle with it, especially right now due to covid restrictions. But im definitely coping with it much better than i thought i would.

i hope this helps in some way. x

[ecomama]

Hi wonderful peeps

I felt very much like this earlier this year.. for many reasons I had shut myself down more and more.

I took leave from work and saw a psych. I kept my usual Counsellor going and still do.

I have a few of my own tips... but there are so many great Thread Topics here in the Wellbeing section, please visit these and get into them!

My own tips that worked:
- contacting old friends - one per week for 8 weeks. All but one felt very lonely and sad too! The other one was extremely stressed. We've reconnected and have occasional calls and texts with most of them now.

- watching "The Call to Courage" by Brene Brown on Netflix pretty much changed my world.
I have 2 of her books now and highly recommend all things by her. She has free online clips if you don't have Netflix.

- Clips by Kristen Neff (thankyou Sleepy21!)... just gorgeous. I have her workbook too now.

- Journaling - my own introspection this year into who I really am, what I really love doing and what's important to me has been invaluable.

IME if we truly KNOW what we love doing and find groups / ppl who love doing same then connections are based on a shared interest and that's an awesome thing to have in friendships.

This can bring so much JOY.

SO find out what you LOVE then throw yourself into those.

You may be gobsmacked at how many people are just BURSTING to meet YOU!

Please don't hide your wonderful selves from the world, watch Brene and work out who to trust lol then have fun with your life.

I'm hearing you Gabriellek - more power to you through this. And more power to you all.

Love EM