Hi Littlebigdude,
Welcome to the forums, and thank you for sharing your story here. I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way about yourself. Hopefully you'll find some warm and comfort in this forum. It's filled with a lot of supportive and friendly people. So you're never alone.
I used to feel similarly to you as well. I have a full-time job, I pay my taxes, lived with my parents too, and felt that I lack the social skills or personality to be among friends and relatives. Though I had a love life once, but we ended up going separate ways, which now looking back at it, was due to our low self-esteem. But thru the break up was when I learned what my problem was. Why did I feel some kind of emptiness in me, even though I had a love life/friends/family, and a stable job. Why do I still feel awkward and shy when socializing with others whom I've known for many years. It was because I wasn't loving myself; I was a people pleaser, and wasn't putting my own needs before others. I wasn't recognizing my own strengths, seeing more negatives in life, and allowing the words of others to determine who I am as a person.
From there, I learned to discover who I really am. What do I want in life, and what do I need to do in order to get there. If I feel I'm lacking in a hobby or goal, I'll look into discovering them by trying new things out. As I learn to love myself more, I felt more comfortable socializing with others. I felt I could chat with others about almost anything, and not worry about what others think of me. There are certainly times where I can still feel uncomfortable, but I reassured myself that everything will be okay, and I'm doing great. Because I've learned to accept myself.
I learned that friends will come and go, as nothing is meant to last. Even if two people are deeply in love with each other, relationships will come to an end eventually (longest until death). But I learned to love myself, and from there I learn to identify what it means to be a friend, and what friendships mean to me. I know there will be times where I'll be hurt by others (just like a heartbreak, a very painful experience that I hope anyone who experiences it, will be able to recover from it, even for my enemies), but the pain will help me grow to become a better person. Love and relationships will come eventually, and I'm 32 this year.
I hope my story may be able to help you discover/unravel your own mysteries. Always happy to chat more with you too!
Jt
