Ok, so where do I start? I'm a 27 year old girl who studies Psychology- works by night in a hotel as a Receptionist, and by day in a Massage Parlour. I only began working in the Massage Parlour a few months ago, and this was due to not being able to pay for my expenses on the part time salary I am receiving from my job as a Receptionist. Nobody in my life knows I work in the Massage Parlour. I don't consider myself as a sex worker as I don't do anything sexual, but it is known as an 'Erotic Massage Parlour' and I feel dirty working there and I hate the feeling of lying to the ones I love, especially my partner who I love dearly 😞 Everyone knows me as a bright, intelligent young woman and I am highly respected by the ones around me, but the more time goes on with me lying and leading this double life, the more sick I feel and the more I feel like I am losing sense of who I am. Since the guilt began creeping up on me, I wake in the middle of the night in a sweat. I cry for no reason and I constantly feel like my stomach is in knots. The worst part of this whole ordeal is that I can't tell anybody about it!!! I can't trust anyone... I know I will be judged and frowned upon and I fear losing respect and the ones I hold so close to my heart. I feel so sick every time I have to lie to my partner about where I'm going... He is such a beautiful person and doesn't question me the slightest and believes every word that comes from my mouth, so it just tears my insides apart after I've lied to him. He doesn't deserve to be treated like this. I don't know what to do with myself. I want to stop working there but I don't know how I will afford to pay my rent, and the others many costs of living on a part-time salary. I do it to pay my bills, pay for groceries and pay for my rent. If I was doing it for anything else, I would never have stepped foot in such a disgraceful place. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and the lies after lies after lies are haunting me. Most of the time, I can't breathe and I get all choked up. My hands get all clammy and I feel like I could faint right then and there, I get dizzy and I black out too. I need someone to PLEASE tell me what I should do, or please try and help me with suggestions. I can't tell anybody about my dirty little secret and I wish someone on here could not judge me and advise me instead.. I feel so alone and lost... I appreciate anyone who can help me or even just chat with me so I can get it all out 😞
