Hi Fionn,
It sounds like you're feeling extremely overwhelmed right now; and that's okay. It doesn't make you a failure for feeling under pressure... life and it's pursuits are extremely stressful even for those without anxiety.
You're exhibiting a lot of "thinking traps", things that ultimately worsen how you feel rather than benefit you at all. Challenging these thoughts is important and rationalizing them can be very helpful. You could try this with your partner or asking yourself:
The pros and cons of perseverance.
Worst case scenario.
If the worst case scenario were to occur, how would you deal with it?
How likely is it that this scenario will occur?
Just to name a few. With anxiety, part of recovery is often going to have times where you feel like you've taken a step back, what's important here is to not let that cloud your achievements. I'm sure you've come so far, your ambitions and how you're going through the steps fo achieve them.
It's called "catastrophizing" when you fixate on the worst possible outcome even when it's unlikely. This can also include your thoughts. For example, "why did I even bother, I knew I'd fail". You haven't failed yet, it's just hard at the moment but you're in the process of pushing through. "Never" "I can't" are qualifiers for this. A common thought challenge is to treat yourself like you would a best friend, you wouldn't say to a friend that they're right and they never had a chance, you'd uplift them, yet you're so hard on yourself.
Lastly, breaking big problems into managing steps is important when a task seems too grand. Think about how you've managed until now, you've just taken the bits and pieces as they've come and you've strived. Try a different approach, instead of thinking this task is impossible, try thinking about what is possible now or even tomorrow, and if you do that enough it'll eventually go from a mountain to a boulder.
Hope this has been of any help, feel better. You've got this!!! ❤️
