Just needing to write all this down

[Nervybella]

So I have posted a few threads before but I just need to vent today, not sure if anyone will even respond but have to do this

Firstly: at the start of the I got a new job, it was awful and I resigned after around 3 weeks. I've been out of work since then and have applied for over 12 jobs, had an interview for one but haven't even heard from any of the others. Making me feel worthless and shit. I was so nervous in the interview, I just kept thinking about my terrible experience at the other job.

Its becoming extreme where I dream about the boss who was awful to me, I think I see her in the streets (when it's impossible) and I can even hear her voice putting me down in my head, I can't escape these thoughts and I feel like she has ruined my life...I've lost all confidence and lost all faith, I can't seem to imagine it get excited about a new job because I am convincing myself it will be just as bad as the last....

second: I am feeling very alone at the moment, lots of my friends are overseas before Uni goes back, and those that are hear don't make time to see me. I think it's because they think my anxiety is "fixed" by leaving the job and visiting my psych. When I was in the thick of my most recent bout of anxiety my friends and family were super supportive. Ringing me and offering to catch up and keep me busy, saying all the right thing etc. But now I've left their support had dropped off but really I still need it....I don't know what to do abut this

Third: my birthday is coming up and I'm having a get together at my house but this is starting to cause me grief...I'm so nervous to have people in my house, especially eb cause it's usually my safe haven away from everyone....I don't know

fourth: I'm also finding that because I'm home a lot I am becoming obsessed with checking these threads to see if people have posted anything. When there is nothing new I get really upset, I can't explain why but I feel like I'm depending on these threads to keep me company or dove my problems, does anyone else feel this way?

Anyway, I inow there aren't really any questions in here to be answered but I just hoped that writing my thoughts down would diffuse them a little bit and take away their intensity

thanks to anyone that answers,

Bella

[Mojo76]

Hi Bella,

I don't have any answers for you, but I've been in a similar situation. I've spent years obsessing over a bad job experience and the boss I had. I got anxious every time I run into anyone from the workplace I left thinking they have all talked about me and hate me.

I guess I learned to move on from it because I came to own the aspects that were my fault (and I know much of it was), but I also acknowledge that she was a really, really difficult person to work for and she triggered my anxiety in so many ways. I wish I was a stronger person that could just have a thick skin around people like that... but I'm not. That still doesn't excuse her way of managing which was very patronising and intimidating. At the end of the day I don't want to be around people like that... so I could have managed myself better and I've learnt from those mistakes but she made the situation really bad. So in terms of competence, I know the things I need to work on but given a different, more supportive work environment, I would be extremely competent. I guess what I'm saying is you have a long life, and you will likely have many jobs. Don't let this one bad experience define you as it's not a reflection of your ability to do a job, it's just that we're all going to have a personality clash with someone at one point or another. Your old boss will have new employees and will not be giving you much thought so you should not be paranoid about her. She'll get over it quickly and move on with business. You should be glad that you dodged a bullet and didn't get stuck there for years.

In terms of your friends, they might have their own stuff going on at the moment so it's probably nothing personal. A party sounds like what you need, even if you have to get through the initial anxiety. Having friends around and getting out of this headspace is important. I do get how you feel about it , but if you try to put all your energy into calming your thoughts around it and turning into a positive, hopefully you get to have a great time at the end.

Anyway, I don't mean to suggest that any of this easy... I know how hard it is. I guess I'm just trying to say that there is a light at the end and you might have to fake it till you make it for a while. X

[Tunafish01]

Hi I am new to these forums and have already found it helpful to hear people are experiencing the same things as me. I can relate to having people over at my house as this is usually my place to be alone and get away from everyone. I too am planning to have people over this weekend but you need to turn it into a positive rather than a negative feeling. They are your friends and will understand if you talk to them and let them know how you are feeling, I've found talking to everyone about it really helps. Try stay positive and just know that anxiety can hurt you and it's only your body reacting to a false alarm of worryness. The feelings will always pass and you have got through them many times before. Have fun with your friends on your birthday 🙂

[Nervybella]

Hi tunafish

thanks for your response. I will try and turn my thoughts into a positive, it's my birthday after all!!

[Neil_1]

Hi there Bella

Great that you’ve been able to post this and share it.

That’s something that I’ve done a lot over a number of years … is to ‘write things down’. Sometimes, I have shared them on this site, but mostly, I have a document at home, where I just type things down. It can be a good reliever of tension and stress for some … so I hope that this has benefitted you a little. Even if it is just a little, that’s better than nothing.

Applying for and trying to win jobs can be a very stressful time and even more so when you continue doing it and still not succeeding. In a slight diversion, it can be a little like fishing … just waiting for that bite. Patience, consistency and enthusiasm are the keys … I do hope you have some luck in the very near future.

With regard to the past ‘boss’ … even though they were horrible, the thing I would try and focus on, is the KNOW that that is in the past … it’s done and dusted and with any luck, you’ll never see that person again. I realise bad experiences like that can play on our thoughts and it can be very hard to move on, but this is where coping skills and mechanisms can be very useful. Like when you think about this person, say to yourself, “No, I’m not letting you get to me today … tomorrow maybe, but today, I’m going to be free of you.” Something along those lines and then try and occupy yourself with something else. Just a thought.

Your upcoming birthday … I’m guessing you’ve arranged the get together … so they’ll be all friends, hopefully the ones who’ve been supportive of you. I don’t think it can hurt to let one or two of them know about how tough you’ve been doing things of late; just so they are aware. But at the same time, it’s a happy time and as mentioned, it’s a celebration where everyone is there to genuinely have fun, and enjoy each others company; AND know, that it won’t go for days and days.

I hope I’ve said something helpful above.

Cheers

Neil

[TBella]

Hi Bella

Welcome & thank you for sharing.

I was working for someone who was abusive. Both verbally & even became physically violent- pushing me, bailing me up against walls, blocking doorways so I couldn't pass, while he screamed at me. He even tried to punch me in the head but lucky for him he missed! So instead he yelled at me, saying I was so horrible that even God would struggle to put up with me! Charming thing to say, considering he was a church leader & responsible for my pastoral care!

In front of other people he would pretend to be a lovely Christian man & everyone s best friend or go to man! Behind closed doors he was a low life, scum bag! He wears many different masks & runs an illegal business.

I was in shock for about 6 months before it all hit me. I didn't sleep for 12 months because I would have nightmares & night terrors.

I also injured my neck & shoulder working for him.

I ended up with PTSD & about 7 other medical conditions related to the PTSD.

My "Christian " friends all left me when I told them I had PTSD & depression. For the past 5 years I have had no support & felt very alone & overwhelmed by dealing with all this!

It took me 4 years to get a job but I can only work 8-15 hours a week otherwise I am a mess & can't cope .

Recently I seen my old abusive boss at shops & he come up to me acting like we were best friends. This triggered a relapse in me & for past 4 weeks I have been having nightmares not able to sleep! Flashbacks in the day time, chronic pain throughout my body, depression,anxiety & panic attacks!

The good thing to come out of this is it lead me to this site! I found the people on this so friendly, warm, genuine & supportive. So please know there are people hear who understand & get your struggles & pain as they have or still are going through similar situations.

we are here to help, support & learn from each other 🙂

I hope knowing this brings some comfort to you.

Sending you a hug & hear to listen, whenever you need to vent 🙂

Kind Regards

TBella

[Nervybella]

Hi Neil and TBella,

thanks for your thoughts. I actually just had a call from the company I interviewed for the other day and I got the job! I'm a bit in shock and can feel my anxiety rising. It also makes me sad that I'm feeling anxious and not excited.

Do you ever feel like you have one part of your brain who is a sensible, rational version of you and another who is the anxious version? Well at the moment my rational side is telling me it's normal to be nervous and no job can be as bad as the last! Yet my anxious side is being mean and telling me it was my fault the last job didn't work out and that this won't work out either! I really don't know how to get over this...

TBella, I'm so sorry you went through that. All I can say is sorry but I'm happy that you have found this site 🙂

Bella

[Croix]

Dear Nervybella~

Hi, I think you have a fair number of pretty good replies above, but there was one thing that caught the eye.

Unfortunately this place is not like email - though in some ways it looks the same. There can sometimes be quite a long wait before one receives a fresh post, and I agree the wait can seem really long.

I would when I first joined be tempted to think that the gap between posts was some reflection on either what I had said, or how others thought of me.

That's not the case. People post - like me at the moment during my lunch hour - when they get the chance, plus in my own case I talk to several people and also sometimes have to think what I am gong to say. So if I get to most people once a day I'm doing better than usual - sometimes it takes much longer.

As a result you might find it helpful to have a regular time of day when you check your thread, putting it out of your mind - as far as you can of course - with other things.

Mind you there is nothing to stop you browsing other threads and maybe sharing a little of your experiences elsewhere

My best wishes

Croix

[TBella]

Congratulations on the job!!!

i was the same when I finally got a job after trying for 4 years. I got call saying I got the job, hang up phone & burst into tears. I said what is wrong with me I just got good news & should be happy & excited but I wasn't.

I was full of anxiety & dread. I think it's just part of having anxiety, depression & PTSD!

I actually found working helped with my mental health- will it helped to lessen the depression.

You will be ok, just take little steps, go at your pace & be proud of yourself for all the achievements along the way!

All the best with the job!

Take Care

TBella

[White_Rose]

Hello Nervybella

Congratulations on getting your new job. Sometimes it is a shock to get this sort of news, especially if you believe you would not be offered this job. It will take a little while to adjust to this development. When do you start work?

I can appreciate your feelings of being anxious. The last job was not good and it's hard to be positive about the prospect of a new job. And of course you will be meeting colleagues and learning new skills. It will take a few days for you to settle into the job and find your way around. That's the part I find most difficult, when everyone else knows what to do and I don't. You will be up to speed quite quickly.

Croix has spoken about your nervousness and habit of checking the BB web site. As he said it's not like sending emails which arrive in a few minutes and give you notice a reply has arrived. We all have our preferences for times of writing on the forum. I find I write very early in the morning and during the afternoon. I have been known to write in the early hours of the day because I can't sleep.

You are not being ignored. I want you to understand that many can only write at specific times for different reasons. Certainly cannot write when you are supposed to be working. Croix idea of setting yourself times to check your posts is good. It still doesn't mean you will have one or two or no posts left for you. I had rather a sleepless night last night and now want to have a nanna nap for half an hour, otherwise I would be answering several more posts.

Log in to BB whenever you wish but browse other threads and give a hand with them. It's surprising how much it helps you to offer help to others, especially when it seems you have similar difficulties. You will get replies, jusy not always when you expect them.I need to lie down as I keep dropping off. Will talk more soon.

Mary