Journal?

[Patches63]

I’m currently waiting to see someone for help with my mood swings and images in my head. In small group and online I’m naturally a talker. Finding am wanting to talk about how I’m feeling in hope of getting it out of my system or easing the pain. Have never done before but am wondering if writing or typing in some type of journal my fears, anxiety, emotions might help.

has anyone done similar?  If so, did it help?

[Patches63]

Hi Croix,

not sure I have one favourite song, my choice of songs, singers and even genre change depending on my mood.  One group I am drawn to when feeling low is Human Nature.  Something in the tone of their voices speaks to my inner core and lifts my spirits.  The Seekers with Judith Durham is another group I like listening to especially Morningtown Ride …. as a young child remember asking to listen to this song.

Im staying tossing around ideas for documenting my days in the journal.  Happy to accept any thoughts people have as part of this thought process.  Definitely know I will not write up every day individually.  At the moment having to make decisions what furniture etc I will/can take with me when move to new home in few months.  Lots of hard emotional decisions to be made as am downsizing and will not have space for everything.  Some of my current struggles focus around the emotional attachment to items I have inherited or been given.  Logic at times wins but not often.  Couple weeks ago decisions were led by logic and decisions made to sell etc certain items.  Items are still sitting in same location to current day with only very small number of items dealt with.  Trying to do logic 2year rule but emotions over ride and I end up recoiling to my safety zone.

Patches

[Mark Z.]

Hi Patches,

Thank you for keeping us updated - it's truly inspiring! You're taking brave and decisive steps forward, and that's something you should be very proud of.

Just keep going with what's working for you treatment-wise, and make sure to spend time on stuff you love like music and crafting (super cool hobbies by the way!). Keep on writing down your thoughts and exploring who you are.

Every bit of progress, no matter how big or small, is worth celebrating. You're doing a remarkable job, and we're here to cheer you on.

Feel free to update us anytime. We always look forward to hearing from you.
Mark

[David35]

Writing about past experiences has helped me. It help give me perspective, especially grievances or loss/grief. It helps put words to your thoughts and is kind of therapeutic. I've written about my childhood up until now (46) with different things I've done and sometimes let trusted people read it. 

[Patches63]

I’ve spent most of today doing rough timeline of date, couple word description and have gone on to describe detail of events, feelings and things I remember of events which have been traumatic and/or caused extreme upset.

some parts very emotional but feeling better within myself for pushing through and getting it down in writing.

tomorrow is day to give brain a break.  I like doing jigsaws and have recently found out about jigsaw library about 1hr drive from me in small country town, library opens couple hours once each month with cost of 40 cents per jigsaw that is borrowed.  Am looking forward to the country drive plus hoping to bring one or 2 jigsaws home to start to do over the weekend.

Patches

[Croix]

Dear Patches~

It sounds as if you have relived a whole bunch of experiences all at the one time. I'd imagine that would have been very taxing, and giving yourself a break tomorrow sounds most sensible.

Hopefully when you fill in you journal in the future it will only be abut one episode at a time

The drive and jigsaws seems like a pretty good remedy. When you are doing a jigsaw do you listen to a podcast, audio-book, music or similar so you have two interests at once? I tend to do that with repetitive tasks, and find my enjoyment greatly enhanced.

Mowing is a good example where I"m sitting on the machine and steering. It does not take up much thought, and listening to the Science Report or some other podcast at the  same time is great.

Croix

[Patches63]

Music, definitely music Croix.  At times I pull out some my kids theme dvds and play, more so to listen to than watch eg Shrek, Ice Age.

quick scan over what I wrote yesterday …. It’s going for become my messy draft.  
Grief counselling years ago the counselling asked if was possible to give some rough timeline of events ie trying to talk through things from oldest to more recent.

a week and I have first psych appointment and thought I would like to have semi timeline of events.  To try to do it in my head I can’t, even at best of times my thoughts tend to jump around, I can start talking about one topic, be part way through and then realise I’m talking about totally something different, some times totally unrelated.  Been doing it for decades by now, know IDo it and doesn’t worry me.  Most of my relatives can’t cope with it and think I’m doing it deliberately just to annoy them. Possibly one reason I have almost nothing to do with majority of my relatives.  
back to my initial thoughts …. Thought if I could write down in rough timeline some info, memories, feelings etc about the events during the ast approx 50 years that this might be helpful when starting to chat with psych.

It was draining but had great night sleep and feeling bit better within myself this morning.

sun in shining and looks lovely outside, time to pluck up some courage and go for a drive

Patches

[Patches63]

During this last week I’ve been redoing first section of my journal.  Started off with one page summarising date and few words about each different event.  Have then been taking my time, writing down everything I can remember.  

first psych appointment yesterday and took my journal.  Psych took photo of the pages containing timeline. First hr long appointment and we have briefly chatted about approx first third of events.  Next appointment in 2 weeks, few days after second Somatic Experiences Equine Assisted Therapy.

Patches

[Croix]

Dear Patches~

That all sounds pretty hopeful. I"d not worry overmuch about getting the timeline exact. I can't, even after so many years. There are things that loom in the mind, and thay can easily be out of the wrong time.

I had a funny expereice a while ago when I met up with someone I'd served with and found our recollections of events did not match in places. I'm sure the other person was correct, but some people and events I did not remember at all, and others were out of place.

That only applied withing a certain number of years up to my invalidity retirement and for a while after.  Later on things are much more orderly.

Do you find re-writing those pages in your journal are ok to do?

Croix

[Patches63]

Hi Croix,

I have a head knowledge of what you mentioned about events in the past.  My late husband served in Navy for couple decades.  Would listen to him and his best ex Navy mate talk about different things, neither remember exactly same things.

I suffer from Order OCD, only way my brain felt fairly settled was taking fair portion of one day getting time line accurate as possible. Mainly focused on the year apart from few times when multiple events happened with 12 to 18 month period.  Wrote with spare line between each entry and found add couple of events due to some adverts on tv triggering memories.

Ive been taking my time and writing for no more than 30 minutes each day or second day whilst expanding on each event. So much detail of different events I feel I’ve disassociated from, can calmly write the things I’m remembering and seeing in my mind but feels like I’m watching on and that it’s not something I went through.

have taken last couple days away from journal.  Yesterday went to a community market which involved approx 1hr drive one way

Patches