Hello. I’m a teenage girl, and I’d say generally I’ve lived a good life. Nothing really triggering has ever happened to me.
but I have extremely intrusive thoughts (i think?). I am somebody who is very, very easily scared. I mean, if you make a sudden noise I would shriek and then think about it for hours and have a suuuper fast heartbeat. But these past few months i keep imagining horrifying things.
I keep picturing my main phobias and I can’t stop all these thoughts and its driving me crazy 😞 I would be eating and suddenly feel the urge to vomit because for some reason I can’t stop picturing scary images in my head.
i am so scared of the dark because of this too. I have a tendency to run really fast if an area is dark and try to find a lightswitch, but i get too nervous to touch it thinking some kind of horrible monster is going to be on it. The same with entering literally any room, even if its not dark, just when I am alone. Sometimes i start crying and get a huge wave of chills because of all my overthinking. I also start to have hiccups after thinking of something scary.
The more i try to make it stop, the worse it gets. And since i’m always so busy focusing on trying to get rid of my thoughts i keep getting angry and annoyed at everybody? I dont even know why, i dont want to get mad! 😞 I’m not an angry person at all.
Sometimes i start to cry too much and actually vomit because i think too much. Also, under some pressuring situations i get super nervous and cry+vomit. This sort of thing happened to me 4-6 times last year during class, on the day we had some sort of assessment or speech or something. It was so terrible, i can’t believe i cried so much and vomited all over my desk 😞
i always imagine the worst. And if there is any problems i always worry about them instead of fixing them. And i can’t even move my body to do things, i feel so lazy and am too worried i will mess everything up. I keep thinking maybe i am just being childish. My sister has one of the same phobias as me and cries when she sees stuff to do with it, but one time i saw it for a second i cried for ages and kept shaking. I kept picturing it everywhere, too.
I want these thoughts to go away. Even when i try to sleep them off i have really scary lucid nightmares. I can’t even cry about it anymore because I am so tired of it, i just sit down sadly in a corner and wish for it to stop. Even writing this made me feel very uncomfortable. What do you think?
