Intrusive thoughts and postnatal anxiety

[EmStoj]

Need support from people who’ve had experience with PNA/OCD. This is long sorry.


Just had my second baby, with first baby suffered badly with anxiety/OCD during pregnancy and after birth, ended up with intrusive thoughts so went onto medication post partum, was on them for a year and was doing brilliantly and have been off for 16 months.


A few weeks ago the symptoms started coming back but I was ignoring and hoping they would go away. It’s resulted in me having huge amounts of trouble naming the baby. So much so that’s he was called Archie, then Flynn, then James and now he’s Archie again. When we settle on a name I feel at peace for a bit then something comes in to sabotage it and I feel compelled to change it.


I was finally getting comfortable with Archie and then bam, into my head - intrusive thought - when I say if out loud it sounds silly and I know it’s irrational but it keeps popping in and giving me doubt.


I remembered I used to really like a TV show where the main character was called Archie. As a teenager he gets in a boating accident with his brother Jamie and the brother drowns. Then I started feeling like this was bad luck for my older son (his name is Benjamin) who before he was born was going to be James (Jamie) and then Archie was going to be James (Jamie).


Now this thought keeps repeating in my head and I don’t know how to get it out. I feel like changing his name again but then think something else will probably come up and ruin that too. I can feel myself slowly slipping backwards and I’m so scared of going completely crazy and like it’s going to completely effect our bond. I know in my head it’s an intrusive thought/anxiety but I don’t know how to make it move on.

[geoff]

hello EmStoj, I am sorry for you and I say this because I have OCD and also had PND which my wife was suffering from with our second baby and what you have said is not silly nor is it irrational, especially for someone who has OCD.

Intrusive thoughts are also known as obsessions, but you may believe that it's something bad about you as a person, but before I continue can you copy and paste the last line of your comment, I have read some of the sites and they are very helpful, and by having both of these illnesses isn't your fault, I too wished that I didn't have OCD, my twin doesn't have it nor has he been through depression and for that I'm so pleased.

I was the same when we had our first son, kept changing names, choose one that was somehow related to my OCD, a previous experience until finally my wife decided the name, however that's why you sabotage it.

The name I choose was after a friend I had at school but was criticised by my wife, so she thoroughly dismissed any idea of our son being called that, it did frustrate me, but I had to accept it.

Please remember you are not doing anything wrong and I certainly will listen to what you have to say, I've been there myself. Geoff.

[EmStoj]

Thanks very much for your reply Geoff. Hubby and I are just going to fill in the forms and go with the name. I think I need to just do it and get it over with or I’ll just go round and round in circles. Hubby has said worse case scenario we will legally change his name in a few months.

[Julz01]

Hi Em stoj

i was diagnosed when my last child was born with PND' OCD, GAd so I can somewhat relate. Although my compulsions wer not about names it was always about doubts of my children's safety I had 4 at the time. You would probably laugh at the obsessive thoughts I had hell I do now but it was no joke & very crippling at the time. I had an excellent gp who put me on meds & referred me to a psychologist & eventually I go things under control.

make sure you find a good go you can discuss what you're feeling & refer you on to the right people if necessary.

take care

Julz