well yeah this is what i hoped my psychologist would help me with. but its christmas break so, no psychologist. it's not like talking to her ever helped, and every time i talk to her i get worse for the next timee. and you were also on the other thread so you know about my psychologist. when she offered to change last time, only one guy took it. also, it's not like it's her fault. im the one being bad and that's why i tried to tell her therapy isn't working for me right now, but she had no other options to tell me. lifeline has a script, and kids help line, and it's very very hard to get a straight fruiting answer.
and yeah. if you're confused, imagine that with just about everything in my life. everything is both sides at once, and no in between and feeling all the emotions at once. there's what i really feel (hate, loathing, wanting to die) and what everyone tells me (its fine, you're not a bad person, all that) that ive internalised too creating a huge battle this is something i brought up to my psychologist...but you know how that went. even thinking about the choice to leave her makes me feel guilty, as well as scared.
im sorry. i don't know why im writing so much. im sorry if it's rude.
