Dear Guest_8375~
I have read your other post at:
Forums
/
Suicidal thoughts and self-harm /
everything is falling apart
Your mind is spinning around in circles, agonizing about other people, "did you do the right thing, what will they think.. ." When things are so bad it is no wonder your first reaction is to back away, to say "No Thanks" even without thinking about it. After all who wants to take the risk of more hurt, more worry. A no-brainer.
It is really a matter of degree. Most everyone feels shy, and finds difficulties forming new friendships, some just a little, and they quickly fit in, others find it harder, and take time. You are taking it very hard and it consumes your mind, coloring everything with worry and fear.
I have had the same horrid mental activity, it might not have been about friendships, but the effect was the same -even to blaming myself, as you do for thinking you are too shy.
I'm better now, not 100%, but so much better I can look forward to each day, I'm not weighed down with dread, and no longer wish to escape. I can enjoy things - books, movies, music, pets, and most important from your point of view, enjoy other people too. I've confidence I will not be a sad figure, but the equal of others.
I got this way by getting medical help. Mine was though taking to someone in my family, maybe yours is too. By now your mum knows things are serious, do you think you could ask her to take you to the doctor? Failing that Sophie's suggestion of the Kids Help Line phone or web-chat is just fine, they actually understand!
https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling
This an be the start towards a life of peace, of no constant mind-wearing unhappiness and even some enjoyment.
May I ask if you are up to doing anything like talking with your mum or dad or chatting with the Kids Help Line?
The other question might seem a little odd, but what are the things in your life you do enjoy, anything from a pet to a book to the beach - anything?
I would realy like to talk with you some more
Croix
