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I can’t stop myself going down the black hole
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I don’t know how to really do this I’m new here
but I believe I’m really struggling and my mental health is now getting in the way of my life. I thought I knew what was making me this way but to be completely honest I don’t even know what it is anymore but I am so unhappy
I’ve lived with my partner and his family for three years and it has been everything but rainbow and daisies - it’s been HELL and so difficult to co live with each other
at the start I was treated badly because his own sister was going through some mental health issues. I felt like nothing I did was good enough, there was always a problem because I didn't do what they wanted up for their standards, I was spoken about in another language, she would purposely run hot water while I was in the shower so I could never shower and there was an argument or fight everyday. Ever single day. My partner was gambling I felt like I was losing control of what was happening.
I feel like I lost myself for them. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’ve had my privacy taken away from. My happiness. My dignity. Everything is gone and I don’t know if I can’t even get it back.
I can’t help but feel so much resentment towards them because I blame them
but now, everything in the house has calmed down so much and changed abs it is better way better but I feel like, I kept my mouth shut for so long in order to respect them, now I'm not okay and they think why am I upset if it’s all in the past? But I can’t let it go no matter how hard I try I have so much resentment I don’t know what to do anymore
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Welcome to the forums, and thank you for sharing this here. We’re really sorry to hear what you’re going through.
In a healthy relationship, you should be communicated with and treated with respect, so it might be worth having a look at the 1800Respect pages on healthy relationships. It sounds like it could be useful to have a chat with one of the lovely people at 1800Respect to discuss how you’ve been treated by your partner and his family. They're on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat, here. You could also speak to Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They also have some great advice on their pages, such as this one on communication in relationships.
It sounds like it's really having an impact on how you're feeling day to day, so please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online, here between 11am-midnight... It's really important to be kind to yourself through this, so there's some tips for practicing self-care here.
We’re sure our warm and kind community will spot your post soon, some of whom may be able to relate to what you’re going through. Thank you again for your courage and strength in sharing your story here.
Kind regards,
Sophie M
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Hey there,
Welcome to the forums ❤️ You've let a lot off of your chest and I'm sure there's a lot more.. It's a great start. We're all here to listen.
It sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to "get over it", because it was in the past. But hey.. That's how unresolved trauma works. It comes back when you don't expect it, and things effect you more than you realise they do, and it's only until you're in a better place that you're left wondering "why am I still hurt by this?"
As you've said, your dignity, identity, privacy has been compromised. You didn't deserve the treatment you received. You're a human being and naturally you're going to be deeply affected by what you've been surrounded with.. The bullying, being made to feel that you aren't good enough, your partner gambling. And this wasn't one off stuff, this was every day. You were silenced because you felt you had to in order to respect them, despite the fact they didn't respect you.
I hope I can validate you and what you went through in the sense that it wasn't nothing, and there's nothing wrong with you for feeling resentful and hurt by what you went through. It just means that you might need some support to process it and recover. Because realistically.. There's a lot of pressure put on us to "put it behind us", "be the bigger person", and deal with it alone. But we should never feel obligated to hide and deal with things alone. We're allowed to ask for help. You aren't a bad person for it.
I can see that you've really tried to handle things alone. I'm curious, have you ever been open to the idea of therapy? What are your thoughts around it?
The services that Sophie mentioned are great and I hope you can consider them an option for you if you feel that you need them.
I can see you're in a lot of pain and you don't know where to turn. I'm really glad you aren't bottling this up anymore and decided to share on here, I know it isn't the same as real life.
I'm here to chat if you need to ❤️
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Hi Iwanttocryeverday,
Wellcome to our forums!
Im so sorry you have been feeling this way.
I understand it must have been so difficult for you to live with your husbands family and having them speak in a different language must have been difficult.
Do you still live with them now? If you do could you change your living arrangements?
Im sorry for what his sister did to you and having them argue every day must have been so hard….. your inner world must have been severely rocked.
You deserve to be happy and have privacy and your dignity…… how would you feel about setting some boundaries if you still live with them?
Stand up for you….
Here to chat
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