How to reduce anxiety and FOMO

[RamonaQ]

Hi everyone,

I am a 23 year old female-identifying person who has recently noticed a spike in my FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and anxiety. I have just returned from a camp for a university sketch comedy show, but the experience, which should have been fun, was instead very anxiety-inducing. Here's why:

• I constantly worry about getting the most out of everything I do. I am a singer, but there were actors (loud, funny people who tell stories) at camp too. I wanted to be in their presence, but simultaneously felt the need to try and strengthen relationships with my singer or band friends. I was constantly looking around the room trying to find interesting conversations, and was also worried people would notice this and think "wow she's so opportunistic."
• A lot of the people at this camp are very bubbly and high-energy, dishing out lots of compliments and positivity. I smile and laugh often, but I'm fairly soft-spoken and less verbally expressive. I often tried to match this energy when complimenting or saying hello to people, but worried they would realise I was not being genuine.
• I stressed over which cabin I slept in. I was in the "quiet cabin" but the "general cabin" seemed super fun, so I ended up sleeping there for one night. In the morning, I accidentally left too early for breakfast, and THEN was upset that I had missed the morning conversations as everyone went down to eat!!! I thought "for god's sake, will I never be satisfied?"
• I was very tired the entirety of the camp - I could have slept more in the quiet cabin but didn't want to be thought of as boring, or miss out on things.

I am currently seeing a therapist, but thought this forum might be a good place to write about this as well. I do realise that I am only 23, and if I overthink and deliberate over every single thing I say or do then I am going to have a very long and unecessarily painful life. I know I'm very blessed, and privileged, and that these problems are not worth this amount of stress. Unfortunately this is not enough to make me stop.

I'd love to hear any advice or suggestions for reducing anxiety and FOMO. Thank you 🙂

[yggdrasil]

Hi RamonaQ,

Thank you so much for sharing this, I relate to it very much. I'm a scientist, and I also find the conferences and "camp" like activities we need to attend very difficult. For me, I had to realise and accept that I am just naturally very introverted, and that being bombarded with so many different people so quickly, in such an intense way, is just totally unsettling and draining to me. Also I compare myself to others in a very intense way, and this can feed FOMO type feelings.

These days, I'm very cautious about when and how I interact with others in professional contexts. I think there can be this unspoken undercurrent of competition in professional settings that can feed FOMO and also generate a strange uneasiness, although this could just be my own competitiveness and insecurities talking. I also think there's this belief that interacting in big groups is always inherently good, as ideas can circulate etc. While this can be true, big ideas (at least in science) also require focused effort on your own for long periods of time, and I imagine the same is true in creative fields. I think society is currently a bit fixated with the former (e.g. open plan offices), at the expense of the latter.

To summarise, I think professional socialising, particularly in big groups, is about quality not quantity. Try to remember what your key objectives are when attending these big group events, focus on those, and set aside plenty of private time if you're more introverted than average. Hmm I feel I haven't responded well to your actual concerns very well, but I hope this reply gives some food for thought regardless! All the best,

yggdrasil

[Beeee]

Hello RamonaQ,

Thank you for sharing your feelings around FOMO, I know it's something a lot of people, including myself, experience. If FOMO is causing you stress or anxiety, it is definitely as important a problem as any other!

I think balance is very important. While you're definitely putting yourself out there, there's only so much time in a day and you can't talk to everyone and participate in every activity. Maybe instead of speaking to lots of new people, spend time with the people you feel most comfortable with, those who don't make you feel like you have to act as someone you're not. Think about what your priorities are and what's most important to you. 

Life is a journey, you have your life ahead of you for new experiences, you don't have to fit everything into a short period of time. Something I like to do is journal about the positives at the end of each day. I just write a short list of the few positive things that happened that day. This helps me feel grateful for what I have and focus overall on the positive aspects of my life, rather than what I think is missing. 

Hope this helps!

Beeee

[RamonaQ]

Hi yggdrasil,

Thank you so much for your reply. It does help me 🙂

[RamonaQ]

Hi Beeee,

Thank you so much for your reply. Journalling helps me too, so that's a great idea.

I know gratitude is so important (my mum has told me that too) but sometimes I then think "but what did I do to deserve these opportunities?" I guess I just have to make the most of them, and use them for good.