How to help after a break up

K12345 · ‎09-05-2018

Hi all,

My brother has social anxiety, and is currently going through a break up (ended by his girlfriend, who is understanding of his anxiety). He is borderline stalking her and will not leave her alone. When he is home he shows no emotion and will not talk to anyone in our family, barely even small talk. He stays in his room with blinds drawn and reads or watches TV. We are a close knit family and are supportive of his anxiety, not judgemental. Does anyone have any tips of how we can help him to stay away from his ex? We feel that this is the initial step to him moving on with his life. No one expects it to happen overnight, but it's been about 6 weeks already and he's showing no signs of abating. He has a psychologist but his next appointment is 2 weeks away.

Also if you have any tips on how we can support him we'd really appreciate it. We'd love him to get out for a walk, alone or with one of us, to chat or be silent, just for some sunshine and air, and he refuses. Won't eat meals with us, etc. We are absolutely not pushing him but attempting to make small steps to ease him back into his life...

Really welcome any feedback!! Thanks 😊

okadoka · ‎10-05-2018

Hi there,

Looks like he has some emotions which need to come out. It could be hurt, anger, and could be related to confidence. After break up, you don't get to see or talk with your partner and so it's a bit of sudden and abrupt break in life. It's good that he has an appointment with psychologist and hopefully that will help him get his emotions out. Meanwhile, you can still ensure him to give support he needs to move on.

blondguy · ‎10-05-2018

Hi K12345

Welcome and thankyou for posting with us!

I understand what your brother is going through with his anxiety. You mentioned the borderline stalking....his anxiety leaves him with low self worth/esteem and may see his understanding ex girlfriend as his tower of strength even though the relationship has ended.

I used to have anxiety disorder for many years. Seeing a psychologist is great except for lack of frequency in the appointments. This all depends on what level of anxiety your brother has.

Can I ask if your brother has a GP that he can have a chat too? Usually a double appointment is ideal for any type of anxiety. Even a standard consult would be a help at this stage. GP's have much better training re anxiety than when I was going through it in the 1980's...I am fortunate as my GP is a better therapist than my psychologist

The more frequent the counseling the better the recovery will be. After a separation weekly or fortnightly counseling is a huge benefit. Monthly is okay

If you scroll down the page you will see the heading 'Supporting Someone'....and then click on Supporting someone with anxiety/depression. This may be of help

I really hope you can stick around the forums K12345 as social anxiety is a problem and the more support the better for your brother.

May I ask if your brother has experienced panic attacks at all?

The forums are a safe and judgement free place for you (and your brother) to post K. There are many gentle people on the forums that suffer from similar anxiety. I really like your inspirational post and how you and your family is so proactive with caring for your brother too

You (and your brother) are not alone here. I hope you can post back when convenient for you

My kind thoughts

Paul