Hi Sammy
I once read a lecturing psychologist's view on laziness. He said something along the lines of 'There is no such thing as laziness. It's a label given when there are underlying factors'. While he taught a number of students who labeled themself as 'lazy' or who were labeled by others in such a way, by the time he discovered the reasons for their behaviour he was able to wake his students up to the reasons. This helped change not only the view they had of themselves but also their behaviour. Btw, it's not about looking for excuses (what's going to excuse us from doing things we need to do), it's about looking for the reasons for why we can't or won't do those things.
There were so many different types of reasons. Some people couldn't perform certain tasks based on trauma not making it easy for them to commit to those tasks. Some couldn't manage the tasks based on a lack of skills/strategies. Some struggled with time management or a lack of structure. Some just didn't have the energy (they were mentally and/or physically exhausted). Others couldn't compete with the kind of inner dialogue that got in the way of taking action. Some couldn't feel the need, the kind of need or drive that creates motivation. While some had formed habits that felt impossible to break, others had developed the habits of those around them. The list goes on. What all his students appreciated was recognition that their struggle was legitimate and they weren't just being 'lazy'.
There'll be a reason for what you consider to be 'laziness'. Not saying that this is the case but, for example, you could have someone who comes from a DV situation. Their partner may have been highly abusive anytime something in the house was left out of place. Everything had to be perfect, day after day and for years, based on fear of abuse. They leave the relationship and suddenly find the freedom to leave things where they want. Simply putting something down instead of putting it away might be felt as pure joy, pure freedom, pure fearlessness. They fall in love with those feelings, while getting a high from them. Over time what gives them a sense of joy or high becomes a habit. Weeks or months later, after having let go of the need to put everything away, nothing is put away. Developing skills or reconditioning the brain to be organised feels impossible and will always feel impossible for them until they develop skills and recondition their brain. The state of their house was born out of a sense of freedom but got out of control.
A relationship where there is little excitement, little inspiration, not much imagination or things to look forward to is a whole other story and one I can relate to. While some may say that there's nothing wrong with settling down, I beg to differ. Having been married to the same guy for 23 years, I couldn't help but wonder why I'd feel so depressed at certain times in my marriage. I came to realise that as long as we're developing in mental, emotional, wonderful and highly imaginitve ways etc, it's about settling up. It's not about 'Okay, now that we've had our adventures together, it's time to settle down into a life where there is no next adventure', it's more so 'Now that we've had our regular adventures together and we can't afford to keep spending money on such adventures for a while, how can we go next level (up) into a zone where the adventures can be done on the cheap or they can be done less often but big time when they do happen?'. A next level challenge for a couple of adventurers, where the solutions are there but just need to be reached/aimed for together. I imagine you're looking for next level excitement and someone to feel that with. A depressing lack of excitement is definitely something that can be felt. Btw, I have a friend who once said to me 'If I didn't take my husband kicking and screaming into some kind of adventure, he'd do nothing. He always ends up enjoying himself, being glad we had the adventure'. Bit of an exaggeration with the kicking and screaming part😊. It wasn't just her saying this, he also admitted to it.
