Help me understand. Anxiety related to a traumatic loss.

[Queenbee74]

This is my first post so Thankyou for reading. 11 years ago I lost my dad to a car accident, where his car ran into a tree after coming home from a nearby town. I live in a small town of roughly 3000ppl and if anyone knows living in a small town, when you hear those sirens tearing out of town you know something disastrous has happened. I remember this day as it happened yesterday. I heard those sirens tearing out of town, and knowing my dad was on the roads, my heart just sank and I had the most horrible gut feeling I’ve ever experienced. This has caused major anxiety issues and to this day, every time I hear sirens around town I always go into a silent panic. Now days when siren go off people all over Facebook etc, post ‘where are those sirens going’ ‘what’s happened around town’ etc and as I don’t always read them, but I want people to understand that anytime they hear them, sometimes there is a family that’s about to be given disastrous news. And that to some people there is an anxiety attack associated with the sound. I know that it’s a way for as towns to stay connected but I also want people to understand that there is also another side to just ‘keeping in the know’ Please help me I understand as I don’t know how to control my anxiety. As the anniversary of my dads passing is near id like to bring this up, but im in two minds as I also do understand that it’s a way the town stays connected but it’s also people just being insensitive and stickybeaks.

[white knight]

Hi Queenbee, welcome

I clearly understand, however, we that have experienced trauma like what you have can't expect others to know that feeling

What you are expecting is an unrealistic level of consideration. Many humans don't extend their minds so wide beyond themselves, let alone others. So, if it is not in their capacity to understand, they won't.

Imagine you are driving your car. You want to turn left, indicator on, then change your mind and turn your right indicator on asnd turn right. There is two cars that collide with each other behind you but you don't notice. At a service station one of the drivers approaches you to tell you that you caused an accident. But you had no damage and didn't see it. Your focus was on your driving.

The same when locals in your town hear the sirens. They are concerned but they don't relate those sirens the way you do simply because th error experiences with sirens does not relate to the death/injury to a loved one.

Please Google this:

Beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

TonyWK

[Not_Batman]

Hi Queenbee74.

Thanks for sharing, I too lost my father, when I was very young, in a slightly larger town of 9000. so I am very sorry for your loss.

What you are experiencing sounds like empathy. and there are a lot of pros and cons. one of which is becoming easily overwhelmed. pulling at a nerve so to speak.

Similar to what TonyWK said, one way of looking at it comes from comedian Tig Notaro. When we are kids and we hear a fire truck siren, we dont think that about the reason for the siren, we only think, "Ooh a fire truck!". The same still applies to adults. like when you see a helicopter, and think ' oh wow a helicopter" but then you see it's the ambulance, and depending on your experiences, empathy may kick in.

Social media is unfortunately a platform where people come together and forget about their manners. kind of like they are speaking in rhetoric with no regard for consequences. In my experience, i removed myself from facebook about 90% because i couldnt filter out what was important to me or just gossip. Now i have 4 connections...my immediate family, so that they can stay up to date with what my family is doing & vice versa. I'm not saying this is the solution, but it was one of my triggers, which i no longer have to worry about.

Not_Batman.