Hey all
I don’t know where else I can turn but I feel like my life is going in a downward spiral because of my health anxiety. For context I lost my mother when I was only 12 to lung cancer and normally I don’t worry much about health issues seeing the doctor very rarely (once or twice a year). When it comes to cancer though it’s a whole different issue. I’m really outgoing and seen as the funny one who loves a laugh but recently I’ve felt worse and worse inside.
Im 23 now and recently I had pressure on the right side of my head for 4 ongoing days to the point I started to worry it was serious and went to the doctor who suggested I get a CT scan. I did the scan and it was clear but what has ruined me is the fact that I found out that CT scans are extremely high in radiation and the fact I let myself be exposed to it, that I didn’t say I want an MRI instead even if it would have cost a little. That my life could now be impacted because of a stupid decision to not speak up. I know it’s minor and my risks are low but it’s the fact that I don’t know what will happen in the future that terrifies me. Say if a medical machine had burned me then I’d be ok because it’s happened and that’s the end of it but when it comes to radiation and the long term affects it’s a whole different story.
For the past week I’ve done nothing but attempt to do research and post in forums about CT scans and cancer and none of it is making me feel better. It’s all inconclusive what the long term effects can be and that just makes me feel worse. I just want some scientific reassurance that I’m going to be ok.
I sit in the office not wanting to do anything putting on a smile and trying to act normal. I’ve started looking up videos about accepting death and what happens next. I want to marry, have kids and do so many things.
My best friend, who also works with me, has noticed and mentioned to me today that he can tell I’m distracted by it and understands based on my past that it’s a real fear. He tries his best to tell me not to worry but I just can’t.
I come home and whereas normally I’d go game, read a book or watch something. I now just come home and lie on my bed and try to do more research. I don’t look forward to anything anymore.
This all sounds so stupid when I write this but I can tell I’m just slowly going down. I don’t know what to do.
