HI All that read this, although I have posted on another thread, I hope posting on here may help others, I know for me it feels good to get things out of my head and share with others, I have worked in the emergency services for 24 years and have finally realized that things aren't so great and I am struggling with work, over the past years I seem to have developed a severe case of Health anxiety to the point where it cripples me at times and I feel I don't want to leave the house, I have gotten to the stage where I think every ache pain or feeling I have is life threatening and maybe I have an incurable or lingering disease such as cancer or something, even writing the word sends shivers own my spine, I have been seeing health professionals for sometime now and have been on different types of medication that have worked but by no means has any of them been a magic cure, my sleep patterns were terrible so I now take medication to remedy that although I dream vividly and find morning comes way too quick and then when I wake those intrusive thoughts are there again and so the day starts all over again, I realize in myself that I am obsessive and also compulsive and a perfectionist but this does nothing in my mind to help me through my anxiety, I find going to see the Doctor an anxiety attack in itself and cant stand the thought of tests or the like as waiting for results would be days of super high anxiety, I find I need constant reassurance that I have nothing wrong with me, late last year I ended up at hospital feeling very anxious and unwell and had a heap of tests etc only to find nothing was wrong but still I go on thinking the worst, I try to break the cycle with positive thinking but find that for me it does not always work and so I sink back into depression knowing that this anxiety has a strong hold of me and so the vicious cycle continues, as soon as I feel anxiety building an icy hand goes up the back of my neck and I feel nauseous and unwell ,I suffer acid and bloating in the stomach and then cant eat so I begin to lose weight and immediately imagine the worst again and again the cycle continues, I know what is happening but somehow feel powerless to stop it, the things I find happening to my body when I have an anxiety attack, which by the way lasts days at times, is bad enough in itself, I sweat , I feel sick I have aches and pains and any other usual aches or pains etc become magnified tenfold, I think in the end I am aware of what is going on and that is a small comfort but not a magic cure, I know I need to exercise and keep busy but again that at times seems impossible to do and so it goes on, at times I feel I cant go on feeling like this and I contemplate the alternative but again for the love of my family and those around me I will battle this and keep going, I am hoping that anyone else reading this , like me reading others problems, finds they are not alone and there is help and something to look forward to, if you haven't found help please push your self to do so and talk it through, hope this helps others in some small way, it has me
