About 2 years ago I had a random episode of anaphylaxis whilst eating on my lunch break. Fortunately, I work in a hospital and I was able to attend the ED straight away.
But since then I’ve developed a lot of fear and anxiety around eating.
I physically can not eat some things. I have designated foods that are “safe” (stuff like Jatz biscuits, plain rice cakes, peas, potato, very bland things, they can’t have any flavour or spice on them) but anything else I eat makes me panic. I will try and eat something I’ve eaten a million times before but then make myself panic, I can feel my heart racing, I feel like my throat is swelling and I can’t swallow, and I find I need to then pace or drink excessive amounts of fluid to try and wash my throat. I miss being carefree, I miss being able to go out for meals, I miss not even having to think twice before eating, there are so many amazing yummy foods I love that I just can’t eat. I have no diagnosed allergies, but I do have intolerances to dairy and lactose (they present gastrointestinal). I don’t want to live like this any more. I want to be able to eat, and be carefree, and go out socially, and do all these things but I can’t. I’ve seen a psychologist over the phone but I didn’t find it helped much. Outside of trying to force myself to try things (exposure therapy) which I have tried but doesn’t work, I don’t know what to do. There’s got to be light at the end of the tunnel, but I don’t know how to get there. I’m not suicidal or self harming please don’t think that, I just want to be fixed and be better but I don’t know how.
