First time poster, long time sufferer

[eelsforever]

Hi All : )

I am a male in my late 30's and was diagnosed with GAD about 10 years ago though I've probably had it for about 20 years. I always wake up tired even though I get sufficient sleep. I find my short term memory is quite poor and have stopped driving as I find it hard to concentrate.

I also suffer from shyness and have been that way all my life. I've never had a girlfriend, not even a date and no social life outside of work.

I think my anxiety issues started from high school where I found it increasingly harder to fit in, no longer had a good friend like I did in primary school and got picked on/bullied a lot more often.

During my early 20's I was alternating between study and work but not doing much else and rarely going out.

Then one day at work all the guys from my area went out for lunch however no one invited me (presumably they assumed I didn't want to go). It really hurt however it made me realise that trying to avoid people and social situations was getting me nowhere so I attempted to become more social at work. I also tried things outside of work such as taking martial arts lessons, going to the gym, dancing lessons and toastmasters. This all took place over a period of about 7 years.

For about the last 4.5 years I haven't done anything. I've been dealing with joint and muscular aches and pains that make even simple things like regular household choirs difficult to do. This has made me feel quite depressed as I feel quite useless cause I can't do much.

For me, the worst things is I'm constantly craving female companionship, intimacy and affection and really want to give these things to a woman but am not even able to get dates. I feel online dating is my best shot but no one will give me a chance. My inability to obtain companionship is really eating away at me and is getting worse as I get older. I know I have so much love to give but not being able to find someone to give this to is so frustrating!

I have tried so many things (except medication) to try to get better inc seeing 2 different psychologists but cbt didn't seem to work for me.

Now I am considering seeing an alternative medicine practitioner. 

Anything else that you think may help me would be greatly appreciated.

[smallwolf]

Hi eelsforever,

welcome to beyond blue. (From your name I guess you are a rugby league fan?)

Firstly, I want you to know that you are not alone. There are other users on the forums with similar experiences to you. A thread for singles has also been created here....

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/singles-support-on-bb

if you want to chat there also? If fact some of my earlier experiences overlap with yours. For myself, I would think that my issues were normal also but I could not cope as well as other people. But bit by bit, the hits we receive have their effect and one day we reach out for help.

The first person I really dated was my wife when I was in my mid-20s. And this was in they days before mobile phones or in their infancy. There are a few good pages on the Internet on dating OFFLINE. For example, there is an article on the abc web site about dating offline. If you are unable to find it, let me know and I will see if can post a link here.

I am sorry that you found CBT no good for you - we each have different experiences. With that said, my psychologist also suggested I read "The Happiness Trap". You should be able to read a copy of this book from your local library. The author uses ACT. You might get some ideas there. The one thing, if nothing else, you get from book, is that if X does not work, try Y, etc.

So while I don't know anything to answer your question in your post I hope you were able to get something from my post. I am listening, and if you want to chat some more...

Tim