After suffering from Social Anxiety for many years which has hindered me from securing a paid job, I finally summoned the courage to go through a job interview, then a job trial which has subsequently gotten me a new job.
I start tomorrow, and though I understand nerves are normal, I'm still panicky. There is a clear voice in my mind that says "I don't want to do it", and I feel chest tension, stomach upset, the urge to cry and feeling a bit nauseous just dreading the worst.
I'm 24 and this is my first stint at working a paid job. SA has really restricted me from living my life to the full - so convinced that I'll do horribly and that no one will accept me, that as a result, I won't even take a risk. Avoidance has been my coping mechanism for a long time.
There's a part of me that just wants to avoid, stay at home and not risk failure, but then there's another side - who wants progress and change. Who wants to expand and grow and learn.
I really want to go to the UK, so I just think of the perks this job could afford me, like a plane ticket. In fact, I was thinking of making a pinboard on Pinterest, just dedicated to all things UK. That way, should I feel stressed or anxious or feel as if I'm not accepted at work, I can just look at the board and remind myself of what I'm fighting for.
I've already come a long way when it comes to recovery from SA. I volunteered at two organisations, which were both invaluable experiences and served to be some exposure therapy for me. Feedback from colleagues and superiors have been positive, but I'm still so adamant that I just won't fit in this new job and that I'll be terrible.
Has anyone felt this way and what have you done about it?
