Feeling lost and alone.

[Overthinker]

Hi i am 29, i have been struggling with myself for a few months now. I have 3 children, a partner who works away in Western australia 8 days on and 6 days off. I am not the bright bubbly happy fun loving girl i use to be. I am constantly over thinking things creating stupid senarios in my head. I am always worrying about things i shouldn't be and worrying about what people think and have to say about me. My biggest issue at the moment, is that my partner who works away has a female friend who he has known for 5 years now and has dinner with her maybe 3 times a year, they do talk through fb messenger as do me and him while he is at work. But my biggest concern is that after their dinner catch up last night she put on his fb that they must do it more often as its been to long. I keep thinking she is trying to come between me and him. As she knows that things havent been great with him and i of late. I keep feeling like i am not good enough for him anymore, he has assured me that he doesn't see her as anything but a friend but obviously she has other ideas. I feel like my whole world is falling down around me and i can't pick myself back up. Thats all happening and my kids wont listen to me or do what they are told to do. I have no motivation to do anything but sit around and cry and over think things Everytime my partner is on Fb messenger when he is at work i keep thinking he is talking to his female friend. He doesnt talk to me very much at all. Today i had a breakdown i couldnt stop crying i actually thought to myself that i dont want to be here anymore. Its so hard i dont feel i have any support i dont feel like anyone understands me. I feel so alone and not wanted. But im just too scared to tell anyone. I know im not well at all and want to get back to my normal self, i know this takes time but at the moment i just dont want to be here. 


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[HA1]

Hello Overthinker

Welcome to the BB forum & thank you for trusting us with your story.  I would like to stress to you that you are not alone and that on this forum you will find many friends to  talk to and to give you the support that you need. But it is also important that you contact your GP immediately, as he/she will know exactly how to help you in this time of need.

But please continue to post to let us know that you are OK.

I will get back to you shortly with a more detailed reply, but just wanted to get this quick message off to you to get your post back on page 1.  Due to the very large number of posts in the last 24 hours your post had dropped down to page 2.  Hence why you have not received a reply so far.

back soon,

take care and keep posting

K

[HA1]

Hi Again Overthinker

Now I've had time to re-read your post, I really understand why you are now feeling so terribly sad and overwhelmed. 

I would like to stress to you that having now posted on this forum, you are not alone.  You can talk to anyone here in absolute anonymity.  People on this forum have also gone through, and are still going through, every pain that you are obviously feeling.  So we all understand how you must be feeling.

I am not a health professional, but it appears to me there are some indications in your post that you may now be suffering from depression and/or anxiety.  This may have been brought on by the stress and pressure of having to manage on your own.  It is therefore very important that you contact your GP or other health professional so that they can determine exactly what is going on.  If you are not ready to take that step, the please call the Beyondblue support line on 1300224636 to get these feelings off your chest.  

But it is clear that the stress of managing alone with 3 kids and a FIFO husband is starting to take its toll.  Under these circumstances most people would forget to look after themselves.   So please go and speak to your GP as soon as you can.  I understand that you have three children to look after (how old are they?), and there are logistics issues there.  Take them with you, or ask a friend, a family member, or neighbour to look after them for a while.  If you do not wish to do so, there is no need to tell them exactly what you are seeing a GP about.

It is clear that the issues with your husband and his 'friend' has been the last straw that caused you to breakdown and start crying.  Although I don't know all the details, it may be that the communication between your husband and his friend is completely innocent. I would be very surprised if they would talk through FB if there was really something going on. 

But even if that is the case, you still need to seek support, because the circumstances that you and your husband are enduring has obviously taken its toll.  You need some respite and some care.  

Apologies again for taking so long to get back to you.  Please get back to us to let us know how you are going.  We are all here to listen and share.

Take care of yourself,

K 

[geoff]

dear Overthinker, I hope that you are still reading replies on other posts as well as checking on your own comment, because it's been 3 days since you posted, and how I can relate to your story, so perhaps I should explain my previous situation

I was always sure that my ex was 'doing things behind my back', in other words I could never trust her, although she denied everything, but twice on two different occasions I caught her, just by accident, ringing from a public phone, and who she said she was talking to turned out to not be true, and at that stage I was hovering with depression, then it was too late this was the final trigger and down I went.

So what AOK has said 'the last straw that caused you to breakdown and start crying', is exactly what happened with me.

Whether something is happening or not, you probably won't find out but what it is doing is creating a real problem that does need to be addressed by yourself and that's to see your GP, but if I also ask you a couple of questions and only answer if you want to.

How long have been married for, and how long has your husband been doing this job.

I really want to say a couple of things here but at the the moment it's not appropriate, but I hope that you can get back to us. L Geoff. x

[blindBiancaPutri]

Hi,

I've been feeling socially isolated for sometime and it was only on Tuesday 30 September 2014 that I started to realise this after going through and completing the wellbeing course at www.mindspot.com.au and finding my pre-treatment and post treatment results hadn't changed.  The results have hit me like a stack of bricks.  Is that common?  I have GAD and panic disorder.  I've been through and survived 2 assaults in 2012 when I was a victim/survivor of a sexual assault and in 2013 when I was physically assaulted on the tram by a male who was on both drugs and alcohol.  I'm vision impaired as well and have been from birth with other complication as a result of being a 24.5 week or 5.5 month premature baby at 585g and I'm now 28 years old.  I live with parents and 2 brothers one older and one younger and they both don't have medical issues like I do and they both are fully sighted or can fully see out of both eyes.  I've 30% vision in my left eye and my right eye is totally blind.  I use a white mobility cane to get around.

[blindBiancaPutri]

Hi,

Just to let you all know, this is my first time I've participated in this forum.

[HA1]

Hi Bianca!

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forum, and my sincere apologies that it has taken a while to reply to your post.  Thank you for trusting us with your story.  You must be very strong to have survived those two horrible assaults. There is a lot going on in your life, so I am pleased that you have turned to this forum support.  Here you will find that you are definitely not alone, with your feelings.  There are a number of members that I am sure may be able to share in your recovery from the effects of assaults.  I am not sure how many vision impaired members we have, but it would be interesting to find out! 

I have not done the wellbeing course at Mindspot, but I am sure there are a few who have, so (if they are reading this) they may be able to share with you their experiences.  Are you able to tell us whether your GAD and panic disorder has been formally diagnosed?  Are you on medication - and if so how is it going?  

When you say that you are socially isolated, do you mean that you also suffer from social anxiety, or are you isolated due to other circumstances (e.g. because of your vision impairment)?  Are you getting plenty of support from friends and family?

Sorry, a lot of questions and not many answers.  But we are ow in the 'starting blocks'  (so to speak) and ready to provide you with any support that we can muster.  

Please take care, and I am looking forward to hearing back from you.

K

[blindBiancaPutri]

Hi AOK,

I'm socially isolated as a result of the sexual assault in particular that happened in 2012 and but also because of family pressures and expectations that they have of me because of me being the only girl as well as the only girl who is vision impaired in my family.  No, I don't have social anxiety.  My GAD has occurred over a long time though the panic attacks have come on since end of 2012 after the sexual assault that year and even the GAD and panic attacks have come on all at once sometimes all in one day.  I'm trying to reach out to family, however, they aren't willing to be supportive at all and would rather "sweep the issue under the carpet" so to speak and ignore or not bother discussing or asking questions or have anything to do with my mental health issues or the 2 assaults, because they because I'm physically healthy doesn't mean I'm mentally healthy as well necessarily, what do you think AOK?, though they do support me in other situation such as collecting me from the train station if it is raining for example or dark.

[HA1]

Hi Bianca – good to hear back from you!  And nice picture!! 

You raise some issues that I will try and have a stab at answering.  

Although, parents always have high expectations of their children, I’m not sure I understand why there needs to additional pressures and expectations of you for any reason, but especially if you have suffered and recovering from serious trauma.  But reading ‘between the lines’, perhaps because you are the only girl they are expecting you to get married and have children?   Is that it? But from what  you describe, they are obviously a very caring and protective family but may be struggling with acceptance. 

You asked what I thought.  In my (uneducated) view, mental health and physical health don’t necessarily have a direct correlation.  Although, and as you know, one can be the cause or trigger of the other.  Anyone can suffer from mental illness - the rich, the poor, the successful, the strugglers, athletes and couch potatoes, the young and the old.  Do you know what is driving this view by your family.  Are there perhaps some cultural issues at play?  I understand that some people do not want to accept that someone dear to them has a mental illness. Although they now that you are not well and that you are seeing doctors, they don’t ask questions, they pretend its not there – they have not, or cannot, accept the notion of mental illness.  Stigma? 

You have not mentioned whether you are seeing a doctor and have been prescribed medication. Also do you see a therapist or psychologist that specialises in recovery from trauma? 

Take care 

K

[blindBiancaPutri]

Hi AOK,

I've been and continue to see a doctor and a mental health care nurse who both work at the same medical practice and a psychologist in Melbourne and I'm working through the issues I have such as feeling:

• I felt very upset and disappointed on Monday night and also Tuesday afternoon after I read the session, recap and or discussion notes my psychologist had written and e-mailed to me on Monday night and on Tuesday 30 September 2014 from 3pm to 5:15pm has hit me very hard, to the extent that I was extremely conscious about the issue and has had a big impact and affected me emotionally and made me very upset on Tuesday 30 September 2014 from 3pm to 5:15pm when I arrived at choir rehearsal because I had and or have never realised until I left class after I received the session notes he wrote after phone call with a therapist from another clinic 29 September 2014 09:30 and the session notes were written on 29 September 2014 09:36.
• Highly Vulnerable
• Highly emotionally and psychological fragile
• Lonely and alone- over time and before late 2012 to after and since 16 May 2013, I've been attending a choir on a weekly once a week on a Tuesday evening .
• Loss of confidence
• Lost and sometimes confused in general
• Sometimes angry at family for asking and telling me to do tasks quickly or move quickly
• My family are so scared and worried because of sometimes the sad and or bad news that they listen to and watch on TV and they're worried that something bad happening as well for my safety out in public, which I can completely understand.
• My family don't want me to show my feelings and emotions in front of them because they think it's a sign of weakness
• Emotional numbness
• Family have been in total denial possibly for a long time
• Guilt/self blame"I feel as if I did something to make this happen. If only I hadn't..."Fear of some men and medium to large crowds"I'm constantly jumpy. A sudden noise, an angry voice, moving bushes and I am afraid."Powerlessness and loss of control “I feel so helpless. Will I ever be in control again?” 

There is for sure a cultural influence as my mother is from Indonesia and my dad is from Australia.