Hi Susanna4568
Sounds like you've made great strides in coming to understand yourself, with your anxiety having improved so much, until recently. Try not to lose sight of your amazing progress and hard work up to this point.
I suppose the ultimate question comes down to 'What is this point I'm at and what does it all mean?'. It's my wish to give you 2 very different perspectives, so you feel like you have a choice in how you want to manage. One relates to psychology, the other is of a more 'spiritual' nature you might say. With the 2nd one, you'd be stunned by the number of people who've experienced this.
Psychologically, there's the experience of anxiety, intrusive thoughts and depersonalisation. Googling these can more so become about what's 'wrong'.
From a different perspective, there's the experience of feeling or sensing your thoughts (physically). There are other factors to feel or sense too. Another can involve getting a feel for people. For example, you might meet someone for the first time and get a sense there's something not quite right about them, an 'off' or 'stressful' feeling. A different person might lead you to feel inspiration, an energising feeling. Maybe you can even sense the second you're body says 'Enough coffee or energy drink, I can't tolerate another sip'. You can feel caffeine overload. Being someone who feels everything can be overwhelming until you start to break it down and identify each and every individual feeling. Identifying every feeling as anxiety can interfere with the process.
'I can't tolerate one more day on this earth' or 'I can't tolerate depression for a second more', are very telling thoughts, telling us we're tolerating intolerable factors. We may be tolerating chemistry that's depressing, people or circumstances that may be keeping us in depression and/or the fact that there's nothing or no one present mind altering enough to lead us out of depression. I speak from personal experience.
Observing yourself for the 1st time can definitely feel trippy. Can feel like a massive reality shift in a way. It can feel like you're completely separate from your self. Some folk describe 'It's like 'waking up' to find your soulful sense of self witnessing the body it's in'. Some say this triggers a need to know themself on a whole new level.
With that overwhelming sense that something bad's about to happen, could you be sensing yourself on the verge of a significant shift, not something bad? Are you sensing change?
🙂
