Fear of phone calls

[Daisy129]

I have struggled with social anxiety for many years. Most things I have been able to develop strategies for dealing with but for some reason I just cannot get past my fear of making and answering calls. I find it easier to make calls to strangers when it is structured and I have a clear start and end to the call, but if I have to make a personal call to a family member, close friend or colleague, I really find it tough. When my phone rings, my heart races and I get really hot in the face, I just don't want to answer it. When I have to make a call it will often take days and repeated attempts and lots of worry in between. When I manage to make or take a call, I squirm all the way through, trying to be polite but honestly cannot wait to hang up. Just wondered if anyone else has this? Are there good ways of dealing with this or is it just best to avoid phone calls and communicate in other ways??

[Hope_for_the_best]

I would advise against avoiding phone calls. Although people tend to communicate via whatsapp etc. these days, phone calls are still needed from time to time. Are you comfortable with talking to your family members or close friends face to face? If so, I think you can try to call them or ask them to call you when they are around you, e.g. you call your mum in your own bedroom and she answers your call in her bedroom, and vice versa. Initially, you can try this for one minute, and then increase the time of the call. Hopefully you will gradually become more comfortable with phone calls.

[Daisy129]

Thanks Hope for the best, I have no problems communicating face to face. I have had this problem with phones for many years, I don't really remember when it started but even hearing your suggestion of trying a phone call from another room sounds terrifying, and yet if you want me to call up the fish and chip shop to place an order, I can do that no hesitation...I don't understand why. If I'm having a good day I can force myself to make or take a call and can fake it through quite a long call, but I'm so anxious about being on the phone that I blurt out weird things, feel like I'm not making any sense or find myself saying things that aren't true just to try and keep the conversation going, then when I finally get off the phone I often find I develop a migraine or feel sick from the stress of the call. I have used the building up time call strategy before but it doesn't seem to make much difference, sorry, I'm hoping there is something else I haven't thought of?

[quirkywords]

Daisy

Welcome .Ican relate to you. I can be quite talkative at times face to face but I procrastinate phone calls mainly before making them.

I am usually not too bad once I start but the thought of a call makes me worry.

I find if I make a list of what I want to say makes it sometimes a bit easier .

Can you keep the call to a minimum would that help?

Have yout tried to do deep breathing or other relaxation techniques. ?

I find the more I try to avoid making calls the more the tension builds so I try not to put them off.

It is difficult but it hopefully will get less stressful.

Quirky

[Daisy129]

Thanks Quirky, it is nice to know it's not just me, I have tried to explain it to some people but most don't seem to get it. Yes, writing notes does help me too and I do use breathing when I have to force myself to answer or make really important calls, so great advice 🙂 and delaying calls definitely makes it harder, I agree. I had forgotten some of this because for the last 12 months or so I have avoided using the phone unless I think it might be something urgent....I used to try and hide it or cover it up because I was afraid what people would think but someone encouraged me to be honest and I think that has made it easier for me to just avoid it more...

[Guest_1055]

No it's not only you Daisy. I too struggle with making phone calls and answering the phone. I wouldn't have much of an issue with ordering fish and chips though. I think the reason is the ordering of fish and chips isn't a social type call. I also find it a challenge to speak to relatives on the phone. I can text them or correspond via the written word but not verbally speak.

If the phone rings here, I will often feel instant panic. And will not even answer it.

Anyway you are not alone in this.

Shell

[Daisy129]

Thanks Shelley Anne, I appreciate you sharing that, glad to hear it's not just me. Have you ever found anything that helps to make it easier?

[Hope_for_the_best]

Since you are fine with face to face communication, why not practise with video calls? It's like talking to your friends and family face to face.

[Adylia]

Hi all,

I have this fear too, particularly with work, but it includes face to face. I have noticed that it is getting worse over time, gradually. I used to work in hospitality when I was a teen, and I would get through it, but would be on edge, shaky and flustered during the shift, and extremely exhausted when I got home. Now, I put off a phone call for days, and I am so nervous of walking into an interview (now that I am jobless) I don't know what to do.

Currently on anxiety meds but they just seem to send me to sleep!

[Adylia]

I should probably add that for me this is ONLY strangers. I prefer to not phone family or friends, but I can get past this fear by calling whilst in the car (using bluetooth of course [safety]) as my mind is too busy focusing on the road to worry. Unfortunately this strategy doesn't appear to work with strangers, booking appointments, etc.