emotion sickness

[endlesslydriftingthroughspace]

Empathy is the key to emotion. To understand how you feel you must consort. To understand emotion is not to find solace in reward but to know a measure of external rest and commit internally.

I feel only what you feel when I observe you.

I only feel what you feel. Nothing more.

I don't waver. Ever.

I wish for simplicity in my mind. 

A thousand locks pulled apart to form a key to all locks. The key attaches itself to you. It binds to your mind. You can never close that door again. 

Now you know. Now you feel them. Now you fall apart. Now you fall asleep.

Endlessness.

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[Pixie15]

Hi endlesslydriftingthroughspace,

Your post here reads like poetry so I am wondering if you have some creative writing experience.

I do not know if I am on the right track but it seems to me you are talking about being caught up too much in other peoples emotions. 

Anyway I hope you are doing okay.

Grateful.

[endlesslydriftingthroughspace]

Dear grateful,

I do not have any creative writing experience other than being a musician. I write like this as it is what I see in my mind as I sit and think. I will try and be more coherent to explain myself.

I find myself addicted to dreaming of futures. I traverse a desert of thought. My feet don't move, but I walk for hours. I have come to realise the more I dream of futures the more I am able to see them unravel. I see people move and interact, choreographed by events that were bound to be only moments before. I don't know what the future holds, however you can know how people react. You can know the time, you can know the surroundings. 

You can know what can happen.You can help others.

I do feel everything everyone feels.I don't have my own feelings.I get scared sometimes wondering why I don't stir inside. I don't falter. The heartache of another hits me like the air is choking my lungs. My heart feeling heavy and light at the same time. Finally I get to feel something. I get to cheer up someone. What if the only way you could feel was to empathize with another's pain and joy? 

It's a means to an end.

It's exhausting. 

I'd give anything to break my heart. 

[Pixie15]

Hi endlesslydriftingthroughspace,

Thanks for responding and trying to explain what you meant some more. I tend to score high on psychological tests for empathy and I think I can understand a little where you are coming from.

It sounds very sad if you can not feel your own pain and joy. I have been told that to have empathy is to have compassion for another person and at the same time be fully aware that their joy or sorrow is their own. Everyone needs to feel their own emotions however you can be there to offer them support and encourage them to look for better ways of coping if they are being overwhelmed by what they are feeling.

I am wondering what you are trying to achieve by attempting this and why do you want to break your heart? Has it something to do with your being a musician?

Grateful.