Hi,
I am 16 years old and I have had emetephobia (fear of vomit) for as long as I could remember. This is a common phobia that still sounds very odd to many people. A few years ago, it got so bad that I wouldn't eat anything although I am able to eat most days now (sometimes I can't still), it is staring to get really bad again and I feel helpless. I have seen a psychologist for about 5 years and done many forms of therapy (CBT, hypnotherapy, EMDR), none of which has worked to stop my phobia from taking over my life. I have strategies that help my panic attacks and ways to make my thoughts more rational, none of which has stopped this debilitating fear from letting me live my life happily. My doctor prescribed me with antidepressants and I had to stop taking them as they made me feel suicidal and I had really bad emetephobia panic attacks that made me feel like i was going to faint. I am having a breakdown today because it is getting to a point where I am finding it hard to cope everyday with this constant fear in my head.
I got prescribed the contraceptive pill for medical reasons and I took one pill and had countless panic attacks because it was listed as a side-effect, after reading that I could not stop worrying and panicking so I now refuse to take the medication. I have trouble taking prescribed medication because I read to much into it. My doctor tells me to stop doing it but I can't stop myself. I feel like to reduce my anxiety I need to know what could happen but it only makes me anxiety worse. I feel like I am letting myself down as I can not bring myself to do things that I want to do/need to do.
I am feeling helpless, I feel like I can't be happy encase I somehow jinx myself and get unwell. I know its irrational but I just can not stop thinking about it and I feel depressed because of it. It's difficult because nobody in my close circle of people understand and just say things like "just eat" or medication is not that bad" or "your just making it worse for yourself" which I understand all of those statements are true but that doesn't stop the constant worry I deal with everyday.
Any advice?
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
